Join the Blog Tour with Excerpt for A Fluid State by Rob Browatzke

BLOG TOUR

Book Title: A Fluid State

Author: Rob Browatzke

Publisher: Self Published

Cover Artist: Alexandria Corza

Release Date: January 3, 2020

Genre/s: Contemporary M/M Romance

Trope/s: Gay for You/Out for You

Heat Rating: 5 flames  

Length:  70 000 words/272 pages

It is a standalone book.

Buy Links

Amazon US  |  Amazon UK

Patrick and Andrew find themselves faced with a chemistry they cannot deny

Blurb 

Patrick returns from a tour of duty to find his son very different. Peter is dressing in girl’s clothes, and his hair is too long, and he’s obsessed with drag queens. None of that sits well with Patrick. Patrick then meets the drag queen Ann Moore, and starts to hang out with them.

Andrew is one of River City’s best drag queens. As Ann Moore, he dazzles adults and children alike. When one of those children’s fathers wants to find out more about what his son is enjoying, Andrew is happy to guide him. It doesn’t hurt that Patrick is ridiculously hot. Hot and straight though.

The friendship that forms is unlikely, and even more unlikely, Patrick and Andrew find themselves faced with a chemistry they cannot deny.

 

 

Excerpt 

“So,” Andrew said, when they were relocated back to the couch, sitting facing each other, beers in hand. 

“So.”

“First off, let me, well, set you straight on something. Kent and I aren’t dating, so don’t feel bad about that.”

“Good,” Patrick said. “I’d hate to have some gay guy come at me for hitting on his boyfriend.”

“Is that what it was? You hitting on me?”

Patrick looked away. “Honestly, I don’t know.”

“Well, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

“You,” he said. “You’re going on in my head. You and only you. Ever since we met. I thought it was all about Peter, but no, it’s about me. You’ve gotten under my skin, Andrew, and I don’t know how to get you out of me.” Their eyes locked. “And honestly, I’m not sure I want you gone.”

“But you’re straight.”

“I’ve always thought that. I’ve never been attracted to a guy before this.”

“Never? Not even in school? Some guys experiment, you know.”

“Never. I’ve looked back and there’s never been anything to make me think I’d ever be into a guy.”

“So you’re into me?”

Patrick’s face turned pink and he looked away. “I don’t know. Yes. Yes, I am.” He swallowed hard and looked back at Andrew. “Look, I know this is out of the blue, and I know what you said at the pool, and-”

“What did I say at the pool?”

“That, you know, that you’re not attracted to me.”

It was Andrew’s turn to blush and look away. “Well, since you’re being honest, I guess I should be too. Patrick, of course I’m attracted to you. You… well, look at you. I just said that to set your mind at ease. I was enjoying hanging out. I am enjoying it. I didn’t want you to freak out thinking I found you attractive or worried that I was going to try to jump you.”

“And it ended up being me that jumped at you.”

Andrew looked at him and grinned. “Seems that way.”

“So.”

“So.”

“Here we are then, both attracted to each other. What do we do now?”

 

About the Author  

Rob Browatzke has been writing for as long as he can remember, and is pretty darn excited for someone else to be reading his stuff finally! When it comes to gay bars and booze and drugs and drama, he knows what he’s talking about. He came out in the mid-90s, and liquor and drama went hand in hand. He has 20+ years of experience working in gay clubs in Edmonton, Alberta, and you’ll always find his love for his other career permeating the stories he tells. Rob is now 9+ years clean and sober, although there’s still a bit of drama once in a while, for old times’ sake. 

Rob loves the growing market for gay fiction and m/m romance. There are some incredible authors out there, and it’s important to be able to see in print (or on the screen) stories about people just like us. Coming out, our relationships, the issues we face, we all have stories to tell. And this book is just one of the stories coming out of Wonderland. 

Feel free to stalk him online. He’s on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @robbrowatzke.

 

Author Links

Website  |  Facebook  |  Twitter @robbrowatzke  | Instagram @robbrowatzke

 

Hosted by Gay Book Promotions

 

Follow the tour and check out the other blog posts and reviews here

 

Check Out the Blog Tour for Nicki’s Fight (A Twin Peeks Bookstore Romance #2) by Mellanie Rourke (excerpt and giveaway)

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Nicki’s Fight

Twin Peeks Bookstore Romance Book 2

Mellanie Rourke

M/M Romance

Release Date 12.09.19

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Blurb

KAINE

A lifetime of abandonment leaves its mark on a person. So much so that when Nicki left, it made a twisted sort of sense. After all, everyone else I had loved in this world had left me, why should he be any different?

Six years later and he’s back in my life. He’s still the same Nicki. Still the same sensitive, intelligent, loving and compassionate man he was years ago. Except…there are shadows in his eyes that were never there before. How do I love him again, trust him again? If he disappears now, there’s no way I’d survive.

NICKI

I love Kaine Devereaux. I always have. But sometimes love just isn’t enough. When my family moved thousands of miles away to chase the dream of a cure for my mysterious illness, Kaine and I had no idea that more than distance would end up separating us.

How do I ask Kaine to trust me again when I almost destroyed him? How do I ask him to love me again, when I’m still haunted by the specter of my past?

Nicki’s Fight is a M/M Romance with danger, heat, and a snarky cat who saves a life. This story does include explicit sex scenes and descriptive domestic abuse. Please pay heed to the Trigger Warning: Scenes of domestic violence and abuse

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Amazon US: https://amzn.to/35FoTHW

Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2MbgpR0

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Excerpt

“Nicki… What happened?” he asked. “I can’t help but feel like there is something major you haven’t told me. Something more than just your parents breaking up kept you away for six years.”

I jerked away from Kaine and headed for the door. Why had I thought I could do this? He deserved so much better than me. He deserved someone stronger, someone who would have fought, who would have found a way to escape. Someone who wasn’t sick, who wouldn’t die and leave him, like so many other people had left him…

Through the dark storm raging in my head, a little voice tried to convince me that I could tell Kaine the whole story, that he’d understand what I’d done to protect my mother. To protect him. That voice was drowned out by the flood of vile words I’d absorbed from my father like a sponge.

I made it to the door before I was able to force myself to stop running. I leaned against it, shaking my head in the vain hope that I could shake off the sound of my father’s voice. I saw my palms flat against the wooden door, the hated tattoos staring at me.

How was Kaine going to react when he found out about the deal I’d made with my father? Would Kaine agree if he knew my dad hated me? What if he thought being sick was some kind of punishment, that I was an abomination? A worthless waste of human flesh, who had caused my parents to split and humiliated my father…

I felt like I was standing on a precipice. To either side of me a yawning chasm that threatened to swallow me whole. My terror of Kaine’s judgment made the breath in my lungs freeze and I stood leaning against the door. Then I felt it… a touch, feather light, gently running over my back. I tried to pull away. I didn’t want him to feel my scars, to know… Fuck!

To know how fucking weak I was.

I made myself turn back around and I took a deep, hoarse breath that turned into a cough that rumbled through my chest. Nausea swirled in my gut as I tried to get the words out, to tell him what had happened…

“I—My dad, he— he was—” I saw Kaine’s eyes narrow and his jaw clench. I tried to choke out an explanation, but the words still wouldn’t come. I felt the censure in his gaze. “Fuck, Kaine! I’m so sorry…” I doubled over with a sob, my hands grabbing my hair in a punishing grip, the pain anchoring me in the midst of my emotional storm.

I couldn’t speak, just shook my head wildly in frustration as Kaine tried to talk to me, but the words were just noise roaring in my ears. I couldn’t get the words out to tell him, so I did the only thing I could do. I showed him.

I stood up quickly and ripped the shirt off over my head and turned my back to him, head bowed. I could feel my whole body flushing with humiliation, my face scarlet as I faced the closed bedroom door. A full-length mirror hung on the back of it, and I could see the look of horror on Kaine’s face. I knew what he’d see, and the shame of it stung through my body like a million angry bees. I’d seen it hundreds of times in my own mirror.

Sound returned slowly, and I heard him gasp as he saw my back. Then I heard a whispered, “What the fuck…”

I just shook my head as I showed him my secret, my shame.

If I’d just done better, been better, Dad wouldn’t have done it. If I hadn’t been gay, I could have been a better son, a better man, and he wouldn’t have been pushed to this extreme. It was all my fault.

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About the Author

Mellanie Rourke lives in Akron, Ohio with her loving (and long-suffering) husband, snarky children, and furry menagerie.

She has been writing since she was a child but never had the impulse to publish until she was introduced to the world of MM Romance.

Now her husband has to put up with a variety of new ways to say “penis”, and her children aren’t allowed to tell their teachers what she writes.

For more information on Mellanie’s upcoming work, join her Facebook group Misfits & Malcontents at https://www.facebook.com/groups/MisfitsandMalcontents/

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An Alisa Audio Review: Kinky Sprinkles by L.A. Witt and Michael Ferraiuolo (Narrator)

Rating:  2.5 stars out of 5

Joel has finally walked away from his abusive ex and is ready to meet new people. But that isn’t easy for a guy who’s shy, self-conscious, and struggling with his body image.

Andre has wanted Joel since the first time he laid eyes on him, and finally Joel is single. But Andre is a Dom and a sadist, and Joel is unapologetically vanilla. There’s no happy medium—either Andre reins in the kinky side that took him years to accept, or Joel grits his teeth and subjects himself to kinks that aren’t his thing. No matter who bends, someone’s going to be unhappy.

They agree to walk away, but they keep circling back to each other. Though their kinks might not line up, the chemistry between them sizzles and the emotional connection keeps getting deeper. But none of that will get them anywhere if they can’t find some kind of middle ground in the bedroom.

Unfortunately this was a story that did not work for me and while I understand where the author is coming from it’s not in my comfort zone.   Andre and Joel eventually find a compromise but I don’t feel an open relationship is a compromise when Andre has fully proven he can have a BDSM scene without sex but apparently it isn’t something they think can last. It just feels like they are forcing a relationship to work and I didn’t feel it would.

Michael Ferraiuolo did an alright job with the narration but from the beginning I felt the characters sounded quite hoity-toity and that annoyance last through the story.  I really wanted to like the characters but between the whining and jumping together and apart joined with sounding that way just threw it all off for me.

I like the cover art by Garrett Leigh and thought it works well for this story.

Sales Links:  Audible | Amazon | iTunes

Audiobook Details:

Audiobook, 4 hrs 10 min

Published: November 16, 2019 by Riptide

Edition Language: English

A Stella Review: For Sam, times infinity by Suki Fleet

RATING 5 out of 5 stars

After growing up in care, all Sam wants is to make a home for him and Tommy, his kid brother by choice. But it’s not as easy as he thought, especially when his social worker finds him a job miles away. And falling for the surprising boy at work only makes things harder.

Evra is different, his past a mystery. Being truly himself is not something he’s ever felt safe enough to be with anyone, not until Sam, the shyest boy ever, saves his life at work and Evra finds himself inexplicably trusting him. Wanting him.

Problem is, Sam is leaving, unable to stand being so far away from Tommy. And Evra can’t leave, not when he has consequences to face.

Making things work might seem complicated, but sometimes falling in love has its own consequences.

Reading For Sam, times infinity truly killed me, it was a beautiful journey, but I hurted. I felt the characters and their problems with this world and I so wanted to hug and shelter them. Evra and Sam were made to be with each other, a couple so well fitted and balanced. And since I read their first scene together I saw how much love was going to happen in their lives. I feared for both of them when they were alone, especially for Evra, he was at a point in his life where he really couldn’t take it anymore, and Sam was finally the right meeting that will help Evra to change everything, for himself, for Sam, and not only.

I so wanted to have more about these characters, I need to see more of their adult lives, more about Tommy, Sam’s brother, that took all my heart.

Apart from the characters and the plot, what conquered me was the writing, so well done, my reading almost sounded and rhymed as a poetry, it was musical. For Sam, times infinity is a sweet novel, emotional and thoughtful, I will surely reread it in the next future. And I just realized this was my first book from this author, I need her previous releases now. Highly recommended.

The cover art by Suki Fleet is lovely, simple and sweet

SALE LINKS  Amazon

BOOK DETAILS

Kindle Edition, 1st edition, 216 pages

Published November 15th 2019 by Stars and Ink Press

ASIN B07ZXHZ8GN

Edition Language English

Don’t Miss Out on the Blog Tour for Rise of Virginie by Katey Hawthorne (excerpt and giveaway)

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Rise of Virginie

Katey Hawthorne

Gay/Bi Romance, Contemporary, Rock Band, Small town, Hurt/Comfort

Release Date: 12.16.19

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Blurb

Stefan Holt left home at nineteen, guitar in hand, determined that couch-surfing would be better than staying with his mother. He finally lands with Megan, an old band-mate, and they decide to resurrect their rock n’ roll dreams to get them out of their opioid-riddled small town. Unfortunately, neither of them is much of a lyricist.

Han Westfall works at the local library, where he lives to rec poetry to the handsome, mysterious guy who brings in his guitar and stays all day. Han writes lines of his own, and when Stefan finally asks to see them, their musical chemistry clicks—and it brings them closer, faster than either of them imagined possible. They name their new band Virginie, ostensibly in honor of their Appalachian roots.

They’ll have to work through band in-fighting, revenge porn, homophobic taunts, family addictions, parental drama, and their own inner demons to make things work, both in love and in music. But if they can make it, maybe they won’t just get out of town. Maybe they’ll rise up and take everyone with them.

Buy Link: https://amzn.to/38wQexM

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Excerpt

“C’mere.” Han picked up a random guitar that was settled against the wall and handed it to me. It was a steel-string acoustic Alvarez like his, way more action than I was used to, but nice. “Use this. I’ve had a tune in my head all day.”

Then it hit me just how fucking brilliant he was. “A new song.”

“Why not?” Han shrugged like it was nothing.

I wanted to tell him I loved him, but it scared me, so I just sat down with the guitar. “Sing for me.”

“It’s just a little bit of a song right now. A first line.” And he sang, “We’ve got a little secret, baby… It’s just yours and mine…”

I found the chords he needed, picked out the melody, then wrapped a riff around the chords like we always did. It came in waves, kind of, the melody coming and going, washed-out and dreamy. I hummed the next line, even though I didn’t know what the words would be, running with it.

He nodded, eyes bright and serious, and added the words to bring it to life.

We’ve got a little secret, baby

It’s just yours and mine

It’s soft like skin and hard like you

Bathed in hot, sweet sighs

“Hot.” If I sounded enthusiastic, I was. As usual, the sound of his honey-warm voice diving through my music was doing all the good things to me. My blood always heated, my heart always pounded, and my dick… well, my dick was a fan, for sure. Hey, he was the poet.

It doesn’t matter if I win or lose

If there’s one death I could choose

I’d end it all for one more time

I’d end it all between your thighs

“Dude…” My voice cracked, and I stopped playing.

Han flushed, which was rare when he was in rock-star-songwriter mode anymore.

“How long have you had this one?” I asked.

“Since the other night. You were coming back from the bathroom, and I thought…” He gave a helpless little laugh that made me want to jump him even harder. He moved the stool he’d perched on closer to me, then reached out to settle a hand on my thigh. “You look good naked. And we’d just been doing that thing where you wrap your legs around me?”

“Oh yeah, frotting, like the almost-fuck.” I grinned. Loved rubbing my dick off on his—and his dick off on mine. Hell, I’d make him come any way he wanted, but there was something about getting my legs around him and then feeling his cum soak my cock and belly… Fuck, okay, now I was super hard. And we were supposed to be on a half-hour snack break.

Not enough time for everything I wanted to do to him right then. But enough for one or two, for sure.

“And I thought, I’d stay in bed all day if I could have those legs wrapped around me.” Han leaned in closer and kissed my ear.

I broke out in goosebumps and turned to catch his mouth. We kissed for a second, slow and hot, over that guitar that wasn’t mine.

Then Han pulled back, his voice lower and rougher than before. He squeezed my leg. “I thought of that old saying about Alexander the Great, you know? That the only battle he ever lost was to Hephaestion’s thighs.”

I snorted out a laugh. “I never heard that one, but it’s hilarious. That was his… boyfriend?”

“Lover, favored companion, general, boyfriend.” Han smiled softly, but his eyes still burned, dark and intense.

That look always meant I was gonna get laid. Hell, I’d do it right here, giant window to the empty booth or not, if he’d let me. How else could I show him… show him everything?

“You’re the only thing that could keep me away from everything else,” Han said. “And I thought, that’s worth writing a song about. At least that might get us out of bed.”

We laughed, then kissed again, this time a little longer. As we closed it off, I bit gently at his puffy bottom lip, and he gave a little moan that made my balls go tight.

“We have to finish the song,” he whispered.

“I know,” I admitted. “But I am gonna do some dirty, dirty shit to you tonight when we get home.”

“Please.” Another chuckle from Han. “Please, do.”

“What’s the song called?” I asked.

His smile almost went smirky when he said, “‘Hephaestion.’”

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Katey Hawthorne is an avid reader and writer of superpowered and paranormal romance, even though the only degree she holds is in the history of art. (Or, possibly, because the only degree she holds is in the history of art.) Originally from the Appalachian foothills of West Virginia, she currently lives in Ohio with her family, two cats, and two huge puppies. In her spare time she enjoys travel, comic books, B-movies, loud music, video games, Epiphones, and Bushmills. Her favorite causes include animal rescue and bisexual representation in media. She is an unashamed fangirl and collects nerdy tattoos like she’s trying to prove it.

http://www.kateyhawthorne.com

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https://twitter.com/hawthornetaylor

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A Stella Review: What We May Be by Vivien Dean

RATING 3,75 out of 5 stars

Fashion is Jared Harvey’s life. Once a top model, now an aspiring designer, he never expects to be attracted to a man who wouldn’t know his Versace from his Valentino. But Rick Paulson makes him rethink everything he’s ever assumed he wanted in a man.

Rick’s generous, built like a brick house, and best of all, hungry to let Jared take control. Together, they ignite passions in each other neither wants to extinguish. So what if Rick doesn’t care about Jared’s Cavalli? Life’s more than a runway, especially with a man like Rick around …

If you love the “opposites attract” trope, you can’t miss this title. Jared and Rick can’t be more different, the first rich, ex top model now a fashion designer, the second one a nurse. They meet at a fundraiser for an AIDS charity and it’s clear they are made for each other. It’s not just lust at first sight, there’s so much more and, althought What We May Be is very short, the author did a great job and showed me how serious the main characters were about building a life together. The story is packed with feelings, quick to read, sweet and well written. I will definetely look out for more releases by Vivien Dean.

The cover art by Written Ink Designs is lovely and fitting, I like it.

SALE LINKS  JMS Books LLC  | Amazon

BOOK DETAILS

Kindle Edition, 76 pages

Published September 21st 2019 by JMS Books LLC (first published February 8th 2009)

ASIN B07XW8LNS6

Edition Language English

An Ashez Review :Anyone But You by Brien Michaels

Rating : 4.5 stars out of 5

Murder is one hell of a drag.
Jack Kieza has a problem. He’s deeply attracted to men, but his homophobic family has left him too afraid to act on it. With his thirtieth birthday around the corner, his curiosity gets the best of him, and he finds himself at a gay club. After spending a fiery night with drag queen Sheila Salute, everything changes. Especially when he discovers her alter ego: his boss, Ryan Swift.Ryan knew he should’ve said no the second Jack approached him. Now he can’t stop himself from texting Jack every chance he gets. But Jack won’t let him take the wig off during sex, and being Sheila off-stage is wearing thin.

The more time they spend together, the more intense their feelings get, but Jack isn’t ready to date a man yet. When drag queens start turning up murdered, it forces Jack to re-examine his feelings, because what if Ryan is next? While Jack wants their burgeoning relationship to work, it would mean having to admit who he is to the world. And that’s an idea as frightening as death.

Review – I love a good thriller, a mystery that you have to try to solve by the end of the book, and make guesses as to “who is it?!”.  It was a very good thriller for me, it was surprising and interesting, the character progression was great as well.
Jack – a little confused … which bothered me at certain points, I like a “coming of age” story but sometimes I thought this was a bit overdone – especially family wise.
Ryan – I adored Ryan and Sheila both, the way that the author makes you feel such compassion for a character, so very good!
The overall plot was great, there were certain moments in the book I thought wow, maybe this was overdone, but it didn’t take away from the story at all in the end it was just a personal issue.
I loved how the guys got together, I love how the  book ended, of course, a thrill to finally know who did it!  A great read.
Cover  by LC Chase: I understand it, the wig, the thriller vibe, I’m curious which of the men is on the cover though if it’s Ryan or Jack
Sales Links:  Riptide Publishing | Amazon
Book Details:
ebook, 223 pages
Published December 9th 2019 by Riptide Publishing
Original TitleAnyone but You
ISBN139781626498907
Edition LanguageEnglish

A Stella Review: Just the Thought of You (Mann of My Dreams #3) by Tinnean

RATING 4,5 out of 5 stars

Quinton Mann and Mark Vincent – still as dangerous, intelligent, and perceptive as they were when they started playing mind games with each other, and still in love. With Quinn having inherited the Mann family estate in a state of serious disrepair, he and Mark with the help of their family and friends decided to fix it up and then live there, together. But when a mystery from the Mann family past intersected with the death that led to Quinn inheriting the estate, Mark and Quinn were determined to solve it, and see Quinn’s cousin DB and his ladies safely married. But there are always eyes watching two such dangerous men. Would they be able to continue their relationship without nosy, judgmental people trying to put an end to it?

This new installment in the Mann of My Dreams series by Tinnean was another success to me, the author continued to show me how good she is with her writing about these two men I learned to love and respect.

Each new novel follows the precedent so well, the books need to be red in order otherwise they will make no sense, not just cause you won’t be able to know all the second characters, most of all cause you will surely find yourself lost in the plot.

In Just the Thought of You happened a lot, this is a long novel, full of mysteries, deaths, weddings, no once I was bored or overwhelmed, on the contrary I am always happy to spend a week of my reading time in Quinn and Mark company, it’s lovely to see them so in love, especially now when they are starting to really planning a life together, there’s a house to restore and a family to build. I can’t wait to see what will happen next in their world.

The cover art is not so eye catching in my opinion, I don’t like it.

SALE LINKS  JMS Books LLC | Amazon

BOOK DETAILS

Published August 14, 2019 by JMS Books

Kindle Edition, 416 pages

ISBN 9781310124310

Edition Language English

Series Mann of My Dreams #3

Join Us for the Release Blitz with Excerpt for The Road Between by Patrick Benjamin

RELEASE BLITZ

Book Title: The Road Between

Author: Patrick Benjamin

Publisher: Self-Published

Cover Artist: Rebecca Covers

Release Date: December 31, 2019

Genre/s: Contemporary M/M Romance, Family Drama

Trope/s: Friends to lovers, Dysfunctional Families

Themes: Forgiveness, self-discovery, secrets & lies

Heat Rating: 4 flames

Length: 93 000 words/ 281 pages 

It is a standalone story.

 

 

Buy Links – Available on Kindle Unlimited

Amazon US  |   Amazon UK

|   Amazon CA 

 

 

Just because you can go home again, doesn’t mean you should.

Blurb

Television personality, Parker Houston has spent a lifetime following that motto: Running away at seventeen and vowing never to return to the small country town that made growing up gay, practically unbearable. But when the death of a loved one forces him home for the first time in twenty years, Parker has to reconcile the life and the people he left behind. Unearthing secrets and conflicts long buried.

While trying to mend the fractured relationships within his complicated family, Parker meets Bryce, a cocky rancher with a womanizing past. And although the friendship seems unlikely, neither man can deny the explosion they feel when their two worlds collide.

 

Excerpt

Prologue 

Twenty years since I’d left.

Camouflaged by a thick perimeter of poplar trees, you would miss it if you blinked. Even travelling ten clicks under the speed limit. Buried at the bottom of a steep valley, River Bluff was accessible only by a narrow gravel road. So unremarkable and insignificant, that if you didn’t know it was there, you wouldn’t have found it. At the base of the way was a single sign, “Welcome to River Bluff, Home of The Grouch”.

Every August, the town held a contest. Townsfolk nominated the rudest, most inconsiderate and overall “grouchy” members of the community. They declared the person with the most nominations “The Grouch”. For the next year, the winner attended every community event, with an excuse to be rude to everyone in their path. The Grouch participated in every social event — everything from the annual chili cook-off to high school graduation. The title was quite a big deal. As a child, the message was completely lost on me. Now, as an adult, I recognize how bizarre it was for a town to take pride in their unpleasantness. In many ways, River Bluff was a strange place. On the surface, it and its residents seemed utterly safe. Underneath, things were perilous.

Everyone knew each other and each other’s business. Everyone loved each other, yet no one could stand each other. If you were struggling, people would arrive at your door to offer you small scraps of their wealth. If you were successful, even more people would arrive at your door, demanding their cut. The entire community walked a thin line between socialist and militant. If an outsider had a conflict with a resident, the town would band together. They would pick-up their pitchforks to drive away the unwelcome beast. The same was true for any resident who challenged traditional thinking or practices. One could best compare the town mentality to a cult. Either you were one of the faithful, or you were an unwanted skeptic.

In River Bluff, belonging or not belonging was a concept as basic as age. There were only a few roles in which to fit. Boys were football players and girls were cheerleaders. Men worked on farms or in the oil field. Women stayed at home or worked in the town’s restaurants and bakeries. Of course, there were a few exceptions. Educators and physicians could be either male or female, but those positions came with their own sets of challenges. They required a degree. Once you left River Bluff to pursue one, you were seldom welcomed back without scrutiny. In fact, to my recollection, not a single teacher from my youth had been an original resident. They had been transplants from larger cities. Fresh out of university, with no choice but to take a position in a town no tenured educator would accept. For most of us, only a few specific roles were acceptable. That left little room for individuality.

I was aware of this truth whenever I would play dolls with Tanya Caldwell from across the street. Or whenever my mother would catch me reading “Nancy Drew” rather than “The Hardy Boys”. Or whenever I skipped football tryouts to audition for a school play. Or when I received the awkward looks of judgment from children and adults alike. That felt constant. They realized early, as did I, that I was not one of them. I did not belong. I did not behave, think, speak or even walk like them. I was different. Alien. It was that simple.

I was six years old when people first began to see me in this way. I was eight years old when I started to notice for myself. I was in the third grade, and our teacher had given us all an easy assignment. We were to present to the class a report about what we wanted to be when we grew up. Most of the kids spoke about their parents or other members of their family who inspired them. Brandon Jones wanted to be a mechanic like his father. Stacey Zimmerman wished to use her grandmother’s pie recipes to open a bakery. Jonathan Wilkins planned to take over his grandfather’s farm. Tamara Lane’s greatest ambition was to be a mother. I wish my aspiration had been so simple. It wasn’t. When the teacher called my name, I skipped to the front of the room and proclaimed that I wanted to be Oprah Winfrey.

I realize now how absurd a life goal that must have been to a group of children, especially a group of children with such rational and regular goals. I also realize now, how hilarious it was for a skinny white boy to declare that he wanted to be a strong woman of colour. At the time, it had been the truth. Well, almost the truth. I didn’t want to be Oprah. Instead, I wanted to be like Oprah – which was a notion I could have articulated better. I wanted a job in television. Doing what, I wasn’t sure, but I knew I wanted to be somebody special. I wanted success and fame. I wanted love and admiration. I wanted to be a household name, and in 1989, there was no more prominent household name than Oprah Winfrey. So, in my eight-year-old mind, I wanted to be Oprah. This proclamation acted as the catalyst for the decade of torment that followed.

I soon realized that “different” meant unwelcome. It started naturally enough, with innocent pointing, stares and laughter. Other small torments evolved from there. One boy learned how to make ‘spitballs’ from his older brother. Soon all the boys in the class had hollowed-out pens and shredded pieces of paper. Walking the halls became like storming the beaches of Normandy. I endured whatever shots they fired at me. Some days I would get home from school only to discover that the back of my shirt looked like a papier-mâché project.

By Junior High, things had escalated to acts of violence and vandalism. Another, far more offensive term also replaced my name — Faggot. It was the early nineties, so few teachers took issue with the slur. Few of my teachers took issue with anything other students did to me. One January day, someone broke into my gym locker during Phys-Ed and defecated on my jeans and sweater. Nobody batted an eye. I spent the rest of that frigid day in my sweaty gym clothes and walked home with bare legs. When I arrived home, my father had been so furious with me for “allowing” myself “to be a victim” that he blackened my eye. Then he forced me to launder my soiled clothes by hand, in the bathroom sink.

Robert Houston was a proud man, strong and quick to anger. He despised weakness and strived to purge it from me thoroughly. By force if necessary. One summer, I had woke to find the word ‘Fag’ spray-painted, in several places, on my brand-new mountain bike. I didn’t want my father to know that I was a victim, once again. So, I spent my allowance on a can of black house paint and used it to cover the graffiti. House paint is not intended for aluminum. He saw it and raged.

“How could you destroy a two-hundred-dollar bicycle?!” He demanded, furiously removing his belt. He proceeded to lash me all over my body; across my arms, my back, my legs, even my face. He was often unpredictable in his anger. I never really knew what would set him off or if the severity of punishment would suit the crime committed. It was during those long, summer months at home that I counted the days until the fall semester would begin. I preferred the Devil I knew and could predict.

By senior year, I realized that I was not alone in my exile. Of course, there were others like me, whose differences made them easy targets. I could see them getting shoved into their lockers. I could hear the profanities being slung at them. And they, in turn, bore witness to my struggle. Even though we rarely spoke to each other, we were a brotherhood. We were bound together by our shared experiences and common enemies.

Most outsiders strived for a life of anonymity and blending in. I did not. I grew independent and opinionated. I knew that nothing I could say or do could put me lower on the social hierarchy, and that gave me strength. I decided that if I had to be on the bottom, I would make sure they could hear me at the top. I spoke up, and I spoke out. I drew attention to the town’s lack of gender-neutral youth programs. I rallied for the creation of a peer support presence in our school and a plethora of other causes. The protest against pickled beets in the cafeteria had been a personal victory for me. I argued often and hard and realized I was good at it. I served as captain of the debate team, which was where I felt my most authentic and brave.

I had planted in myself, a seed of success. If it had any hope of blossoming, I knew I had to get out of River Bluff. I had to nurture my individuality and empower my spirit. I was raring to experience the world beyond. So, two days after graduation, I loaded a single suitcase onto a Greyhound bus, Toronto bound. I didn’t leave a note, and I never looked back.

Until now.

Twenty years later.

 

 

About the Author

Patrick Benjamin has always had a passion for books.  Growing up in rural Alberta, Canada, books were often the only escape he had from his simple small-town life.  Patrick loves the way books can transport readers into different worlds and times, and expose them to experiences and types of people they wouldn’t normally encounter.  His favourite stories, have always been those with strong, relatable characters. Stories that refrain from painting their characters with perfect brush strokes, and instead present their characters as fully rounded, real people — complete with their own imperfections, humours and motivations.  Those are the types of Characters he aims to create, and its their stories he wants to tell. This is his first novel.

 

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A Stella Review: Model Christmas by Jaime Samms

RATING 3 out of 5 stars

Sebastian’s ideal Christmas looks nothing like his picture-perfect childhood experiences, but neither should it be spent wandering the cold streets alone and homeless.

Cody has no time for the holidays if he wants to eat. He needs a new model for his next commission–and he needs him now.

Seb can’t go home and Cody’s model took his pay and left. Both men are in dire straits, so when they meet over soup-kitchen chili they each see the answer to their problems in the other.

They never expected more than a means to an end, but now, that perfect Christmas might be as simple as seeing what’s right in front of them.

Although this is a second edition, it was clear to me Model Christmas was one of the first stories released by Jaime Samms, I say this as a compliment, I read some of her titles and they were all so much better. Still this holiday story was a pleasure to read, maybe just a little too short to be better delivered, I don’t know. What I do know there was a feeling of melancholy and defeat in some scenes I didn’t like, choices made by Terry (a second character we actually didn’t meet) and Cody that left a sour taste in my mouth.

I knew nothing about Cody and quite enough about Sebastian. I definitely preferred the ending part and would have so loved to have a little epilogue just to see what the two young men were able to become as individuals and as a couple.

Overall Model Christmas was an interesting reading, I love the author so much and I hope she will release new titles in the future.

The cover art is awesome, it’s eye catching and I love it a lot.

SALE LINKS  Amazon

BOOK DETAILS

Kindle Edition, 40 pages

Published December 6th 2019 by Jaime Samms (first published December 11th 2010)

ASIN B082FQ8JZL

Edition Language English