Review of Frog by Mary Calmes

Rating: 4.75 stars

At 44, Weber Yates realizes that his age, talent and physical condition makes his dream of becoming a rodeo champion a remote possibility at best. When a job on a ranch becomes available, Web figures he ought to grab the only job he is fit for. But first he must make a phone call to the man he loves, Cyrus Benning, a neurosurgeon in San Francisco. Weber met the handsome surgeon while Cyrus was on vacation at a dude ranch where Weber was a seasonal employee. Sparks flew and a one-time hookup turned into 3 years of phone calls, meetings between rodeos, short hookups, and arguments over pride and a future together. Weber has always felt like the frog in their fairy tale relationship, but Cyrus has always seen the prince that is Weber under the rough cowboy image he projects.

Shivering in a phone booth outside of San Francisco, Weber reaches out one last time to Cyrus before beginning his life on a ranch up north. They had parted after another argument over their future together, something Weber has always regretted. Can both men find their way back to each other through obstacles built of pride and mismatched backgrounds? Or will Cyrus finally convince Weber that they belong to each other and accept his place as prince of his heart?

Mary Calmes strengths as a writer are front and center in this heartwarming story of love, acceptance, and family. I really love the fact that this is a story of two men in their forties, finding love later in life. Weber Yates has some of the same qualities Mary Calmes has given her other main characters. He is charismatic, a person who by personality alone brings people closer and resolves conflict. He is beloved by children and animals without feeling at ease in upper class social situations. But Weber Yates with greater depths and layers. He is also a man who has seen his dreams die a hard, dusty death in the rodeo arena and realizes the pursuit of that dream has left him penniless, physically broken and alone. Insecure, and aware that he lacks education, Weber feels that pride is all he has left. Tall, skinny, with red hair and bruised ribs, he is hardly the golden boy of some of Calmes other novels. Those physical attributes fall to Cyrus Benning, the neurosurgeon who chanced upon his soulmate during a vacation in Texas. Cyrus Benning is also a character with his own insecurities and needs, the “golden boy” image hiding his frustration over his inability to profess his love and need for the itinerant cowboy passing in and out of his life and heart. Two complex men who are given one last chance to make their relationship work amid a family crisis and a job offer waiting for Weber in Alaska.

With Weber and Cyrus as the heart, Mary Calmes pulls more wonderful characters into the story. Enter Carolyn Easton, Cyrus’ sister and her three young boys, Tristan, Pip and Micah – the family in crisis. Carolyn’s husband has walked out on the family and took the nanny with him. She needs her brother and the stability he offers just when Cyrus wants only to concentrate on Weber. The dialog and action between the boys has the real flavor of someone who is familiar with adolescent boys and their behavior. The way in which Weber relates to them seems so very authentic as did their reaction to him. Carolyn is a wonderful portrait of a woman whose world has fallen to pieces and is too stressed out to find a way to put it back together by herself. Bit by bit, Weber is pulled into a family who needs him and is strengthened by it. All of the author’s gift at characterizations are evident in the people she has created for Frog. Each and every one memorable in their own right. To borrow an overused phrase, I “heart” them all.

I loved this heartwarming tale. Perfect? No, there are a few places that some will say stretch the boundaries of belief, especially when it comes to Micah, a child whose voice was frozen by past trauma. Did I mind it? No. This book left me smiling and feeling great. So perhaps we can leave it with an almost perfect. How about practically perfect in every way! And we all know who said that don’t we? And I am never one to argue with her.

Cover: Artist Reese Dante. That confused me a little. Reese Dante usually has these lush covers yet this is simplicity itself. I thought the handclasp was nice but how does a cowboy and neurosurgeon figure into that? It gives you no idea of the story within nor does it relate to the title. It could be just two guys at the beach? See? Call me Confused.

Review of Who We Are by TJ Klune

Rating 5 stars (and 5 more for shear awesomeness as Bear would say)

Who We Are picks up right where last pages of Bear, Otter and The Kid left us. Derrick “Bear” McKenna, Bear’s brother,Tyson aka the Kid and Bear’s boyfriend, Oliver “Otter” Thompson have overcome some but not all of the obstacles in their path to becoming a family. Bear and the Kid’s mother has vanished again as has Otter’s ex boyfriend. The three of them are moving into their new house affectionately known as The Green Monstrosity. Bear is going back to school, Otter’s at the photography shop, and the Kid is about to skip ahead a grade at school. The events of last summer still reverberate through their lives as they try and move forward. With Otter’s help, Bear is trying for custody of the Kid, the Kid has to see a therapist and things are still cool between Bear and his best friend, Creed who just happens to be Otter’s younger brother. As usual, the chaos is accompanied by the running dialog in Bear’s brain that threatens to overwhelm him in any given situation. But sometimes the best of families are formed by love and not blood. With Mrs. Paquinn, Anna and more on their side, the family comes together as they all learn that family is “defined by those who make us whole—those who make us who we are”.

I am always a little hesitant when picking up a sequel to a beloved novel. My mind is full of questions to go with the anticipation. Will the characters I came to love retain the same layering, the same quirkiness that captured my heart to begin with? Can the author recreate the magic the first book so beautifully delivered? Will I be happy with the new journey the author takes our heros on? And I am so happy to be able to tell you the answer to all those questions is a resounding “Hell, yes!”. With Who We Are , TJ Klune delivers a knockout punch of a novel that in many ways supersedes the one that went before. Here we still have all the elements that made Bear, Otter and The Kid so special. Bear’s jumbled inner commentary still reigns supreme, erupting in nonsensical sentences to the amusement and bemusement of all. The Kid still produces bad poetry and sage pronouncements on the evils of eating meat and the wisdom of Anderson Cooper. Otter is trying to be the strength and glue for all of them even as their emotions and new trials shake the walls they are building around them. Mrs Paquinn is still her loving eccentric self and her importance to Bear, Tyson and Otter has not diminished. Anna, Bear’s ex girlfriend along with Creed, his childhood best friend are all here. Everyone is here but supersized. It’s as though a patina of copper has been thrown over the characters who now shine more brightly, whose nuances and depth reflect out past the pages and into our hearts. For those who said “Please sir, I want some more.” Here it is. There’s more more here. More emotion, more trials, more complications, more of the realities people face when they come together as a family. And of course, much more love of every type whether it be newly discovered, hard fought, long established, brotherly, and finally fully realized romantic love. Love is here in its many permutations.

TJ Klune demonstrates with authority his gift with characterization as once more Bear, Otter, the Kid, and new characters roar to life within their story. Bear is still Bear, insecure, brave, at once burdened and lifted up by stewardship of his little brother. But now that he has accepted his sexuality and Otter’s place within his heart, the character of Bear seems to expand and strengthen. His inner dialog still runs amuck but wreaks less damage as he talks himself out of one self inflicted panic after another. Tyson is still that most amazing of kids. I have met children with the same frightening degree of intelligence so that has always rung true about his character. But TJ Klune never forgets that Tyson is also a young child with all the fragility of the young. When the emotional earthquakes happen, the impact upon the Kid shake not only his family but the reader with its tremors. Otter has never seemed more human than he does within these pages. Always the strong one, here Otter’s own insecurities and doubts come forward. He must deal with his family’s reaction to his own coming out and his brother’s lack of communication with him before his goal of a family with Bear and Tyson can become a reality. With Otter, a good character became great. Dominic is a new character that reaches out with his damaged background and dares the reader not to love him. And love him you will along with all the denizens of Seafare, past and present. The author never takes the easy out with one dimensional characters or situations. Instead we are given loving families presented with an upheaval of their status quo, and then shown how they overcome past tragedies and feelings to bring everyone back together. These people breathe air and walk with large strides across the pages of this novel with certainty and determination.

In Who We Are, TJ Klune never forgets to maintain his story’s emotional balance as comedy is interwoven with equal amounts of heartbreaking angst. I often found myself laughing and crying together with the characters, as so often both tears of pain and joy mingle as emotions collilde on the same page. The story is also solidly constructed and those annoying questions left over from BOATK are happily resolved here to my complete satisfaction. And that prologue was a thing of geeky beauty! As Bear finished with his tale and said goodbye, I was sad to get the end of Who We Are. Even with the wonderful epilogue, their voices spoke so clearly to me that I will miss them so.

You will find no quibbles here within this review. I loved this book, no ifs ands or buts.This is a book I will come back to when I feel the need to see them all again, especially the Kid and his bad poetry. Here is a sample, trust me it grows on you!

“Bacon is bad! Beef is wrong!

Mad Cow Disease stays with you for a time that’s long!”

For the rest of it, you will just have to buy the book. You will love it.

There is a wonderful short story Word of the Day, where in the Kid first meets Dominic. You can find it here at T.J. Klune’s blog A Fistful of Awesome.

Cover: The cover artist is Paul Richmond. The cover art for both books always looks as though a young adult had crafted it. It does give the books a unique look that immediately identifies them but it comes across as less than polished. Perhaps that is the intent. Hard to argue with the happy family on the front.

Available at Dreamspinner Press, Amazon, and ARe.

Review of Bear, Otter And The Kid by TJ Klune

With the sequel to BOATK out from Dreamspinner Press, I thought we would take a look back to our first introduction to Bear, Otter and the Kid and some added thoughts from me on these beloved characters.

5 stars

Three years ago, Bear McKenna’s mother took off for parts unknown with her new boyfriend, leaving Bear to raise his six-year-old brother Tyson, aka the Kid. Somehow they’ve muddled through, but since he’s totally devoted to the Kid, Bear isn’t actually doing much living—with a few exceptions, he’s retreated from the world, and he’s mostly okay with that. Until Otter comes home.

Otter is Bear’s best friend’s older brother, and as they’ve done for their whole lives, Bear and Otter crash and collide in ways neither expect. This time, though, there’s nowhere to run from the depth of emotion between them. Bear still believes his place is as the Kid’s guardian, but he can’t help thinking there could be something more for him in the world… something or someone.

That was the publisher’s blurb for BOATK as it is affectionately called now. But that description doesn’t start to describe the heartwarming, and at times heartrending story that is Bear, The Otter and The Kid.

It is a remarkable story of family and love told through the POV and unique voice of Derrick “Bear” McKinna made even more remarkable for BOATK being the first book written by TJ Klune. The story is so well done that I found it difficult to separate myself from it and its characters at the end, so real does it feel. Bear is a beautifully constructed, multilayered character whose voice and thought patterns are so unique that I can tell it is his character at a glance at the phrasing. Bear has all the conflicted feelings, traumatized emotions and inner denial monster you would expect from a young boy whose mother has stolen the few funds he had saved, written him a crappy note and fled, leaving him the sole responsibility of a young brother with a brilliant mind inside the body of a five year old. In other words, Bear is still dealing with his hormones, letting go his dream of college, and the constant turmoil and fear that their mother abandoning them has left behind. All through Bear’s actions and sometimes inability to cope, you may get frustrated with this character and want to throttle him, but it is because everything about Bear seems authentic, including his control issues and need for stability.

The other star of this story is The Kid, also known as Tyson McKenna. When this story first appeared, there were several reviews that remarked on the Kid’s high level of dialog and shear “smarts”, saying no 8 year old (as he was later in the story) sounded like that. But I have worked with children for over 20 years and come across others with Tyson’s intellect and outlook. It is to the author’s credit that I felt I knew the Kid intimately, laughing at his “bad” poetry and crying with him in the bathtub when the emotional hurricanes hit. I love the Kid, vegetarian and eco terrorist in the making. And his poetry? Oh my…… Here’s a sample:

“Otter! Otter! Otter!

Don’t lead cows to slaughter!

I love you, and I know I should’ve told you soon-a

But you didn’t buy the dolphin-safe tuna!”

Half the time I am reading, I am also wheezing with laughter and wiping my eyes. No really, you have to read this! And there are other great characters orbiting the two McKenna boys, Creed Thompson, Bear’s best friend forever, Anna, Bear’s girlfriend, Mrs. Paquinn (next door neighbor and Tyson’s sitter), and finally Otter Thompson who is Creed’s older brother and the love of Bear’s life if only Bear can admit he is gay.

The author handles with skill the whole issue of Bear finally admitting he is gay and the pain and anguish that is his companion throughout the process. As Bear admits his sexuality, climbs out and away from the safety of the closet, your tears will flow and your nose is going to run. Just saying. And then you are going to think of every young gay boy out there dealing with his sexuality, the guts it takes to admit you are gay while facing the taunts and jeers of homophobes who may just be your family and neighbors, and the tears will start anew. Keep that box of tissues handy. You will need all of them. What TJ Klune has done with Bear is give other GLBT youths/young men someone they can identify with, a character we desperately need to see more often in YA fiction and media.

The closer it gets to Bear’s high school graduation, the more problems seem to accumulate until Bear is panic stricken and feeling out of control. As the story builds to its climax, you find yourself teetering on the edge of the precipice with Bear and the Kid. Your heart is in your throat along with theirs, hoping their next step doesn’t see them toppling over the cliff. And you realize what an outstanding job TJ Klune has done to bring you there with the two boys.

I did have a few quibbles as to unanswered questions left at the end of the story and am happy to say they are all answered in Who We Are to be reviewed here tomorrow. I am also happy to say that Bear, Otter and the Kid will live on. That’s the word from Klune who has had quite the year, full of ups and downs. I will let him tell you all about it in this post he wrote for his blog. I am sorry he had that year but quite honestly I think it has made him that much stronger as an author. Bear, Otter, and The Kid as well as Who We Are have become comfort rereads for me and I think they will do the same for you. Please give them a chance. You won’t be sorry.

Cover: Paul Richmond is the cover artist and I really like this cover with the Kid so prominently featured. The author has said he asked that Tyson be put in that position on the cover as that is his position in the story. I like it, it makes me smile. So does the Kid.

TJ Klune can be found here at A Fistful of Awesome. http://www.tjklunebooks.blogspot.com

Both BOATK books can be bought at Dreamspinner Press, Amazon, and ARe.

Pork Florentine and the Week Ahead

This is going to be a great week ahead with some exciting books to be reviewed, including Who We Are by TJ Klune and the first book in a great new fantasy series by Megan Derr. A Mary Calmes book is reviewed as is the latest book from a new author for me, AR Moler. Happy Mother’s Day all. Have a great Sunday! It’s picture perfect weather here and I am going outside to enjoy it!

Monday: Review of Bear, Otter and The Kid by TJ Klune in preparation for its sequel

Tuesday: Review of Who We Are by TJ Klune, sequel to BOATK

Wednesday: Review of Treasure (Lost Gods #1) by Megan Derr – a real treat for all you fantasy lovers

Thursday: Review of Frog by Mary Calmes

Friday: Review of How We Operate by A.R. Moler

Today is all about the great dinner I fixed last night – a perfect for Mother’s Day or any day at all. Trust me, you will serve this over and over again.

Rolled Pork Florentine

Serves: 4 Prep time: 3o min Total Cooking Time: 1 hr 10 min Total Time: 1 hr 40 min

Ingredients:

1 pork loin, about 2 pounds
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
7 ounces spinach
2 slices bacon, cut into lardons or small pieces about 1/4 inch
1 medium onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
4 tablespoons breadcrumbs
1 tablespoon oil, for frying
1/2 cup white wine

Directions:

Heat the oven to 375 degrees F. Set the pork on a cutting board and imagine you’re going to cut an upside-down letter T into it: in other words, slice half-way through, lengthwise, then half-way through to the left and the right. Open out the meat. Lay plastic wrap over it, and pound flat with a mallet. Season with salt and pepper, and set aside.

Rinse the spinach and spin dry, allowing a little water to remain clinging to the leaves. Put it in a saute pan, cover, and wilt, about 5 minutes. Lay the spinach on a clean tea or kitchen towel and squeeze dry. Chop, and set aside.

Wipe out the pan and put if back on the stove. Fry the bacon until cooked, remove to drain. Pour off all but a tablespoon or 2 of the fat and fry the onion until golden. Add the garlic and cook 1 minute. Stir through the bread crumbs and spinach. Season with salt and pepper.

Pat the stuffing over the meat, leaving a 1-inch border. Roll and tie the pork at 2-inch intervals. Wipe out the saute pan and heat the oil in it. Brown the meat on all sides, pour in the wine, and then transfer to the oven and roast until done, about 45 minutes. Remove from the oven and let the meat rest 10 minutes. Wrap for later, or slice and serve with the pan juices poured over.

Review of In The Name Of The Law by Sue Holston

Rating: 3.75 stars

Mitchell Dawson and Ivan Stanislav are detectives with the Baltimore Police Department where they have been partners and best friends for years. Ivan is engaged and soon to be married. And Mitchell is miserable. Mitchell fell in love with the oh so straight Ivan the moment he met him and now wonders how he will continue on watching Ivan with his wife. The night of the engagement party Ivan’s fiance’ dumps him after a argument. A night of drunken consolation leads Mitchell and Ivan to the bedroom and uninhibited sex.

Morning comes and neither man acknowledges the events of the night before. It takes Ivan being shot for Mitchell to realize that second chances don’t come around very often and its past time for him to speak up and confess his love for Ivan.

Sue Holston has crafted a very nice short story with a “gay for you” theme with In The Name Of The Law. Her character of Mitchell Dawson is beautifully realized, with more layers and depth than I would expect from a story of this length. Ivan Stanislav is a less complete character study. A Baltimore Police Detective and renown horndog he is completely heterosexual until the night his fiance (who is of course a bitch) dumps him. One drunken night of sex with his partner flips his sexuality switch over to gay, a happenstance that always causes me to shake my head. It takes a much longer story to make your case for this change in sexuality believable and 46 pages is just not long enough. With Ivan a less substantial character, Mitchell’s love and longing for him never feels completely real. It is this disconnect that lead to a lower rating for the story.

One more quibble here towards something that happened in the epilogue. Both men tell their Captain that their partnership is both domestic as well as work related and he agrees to keep their secret. Realistically that would not happen. Rules and regulations prohibit that and it is doubtful a Captain would risk his or hers retirement to keep their secret. Nor would they have wanted to put their Captain in such a bad position. It would have been far more believable if the author had them continue to work together and keep the change in relationship secret until either got promoted out of the partnership. That would have given Sue Holston’s story an additional touch of authenticity it needed.

With Baltimore as her setting, Sue Holston’s attention to detail and geographic atmosphere is terrific. Baltimore is about 30 minutes away from me and I can tell you she has done her homework with this great city. Nothing beats eating our Chesapeake Bay crabs and having a Clipper City Gold Ale from a rooftop deck overlooking the Inner Harbor. I look forward to reading more stories from this author in just such a setting.

Cover: Cover art by Posh Gosh. Very nice cover. Loved the harbor in the background.

Available from Total E Bound Press.

Chances to win this, $20 gift certificate and other books visit the following blogs for the rest of the Raise Your Glasses Tour:

Saturday, May 12th: A.J. Llewellyn hosts H.L. Holston
Sunday, May 13th: H.L. Holston hosts Scarlet Blackwell

Review of Marathon Cowboys by Sarah Black

Rating: 5 stars

Navajo Lorenzo Maryboy is a former Marine who just mustered out of the service. During his tour, he had started a cartoon called Devil Dog that became popular with the enlisted men and now seeks a mentor in Jesse Clayton, retired Marine and successful cartoonist in Marathon, Texas.

Jesse Clayton the third, or JC3 as they call him back in the San Francisco art world, is on his way to his grandfather’s ranch in Texas, hoping to use the spare art studio there and needing some away time from the frantic pace of life in the city. He’s feeling burned out and seeking inspiration. Out and proud but not always in tune with his common sense, Jesse makes a stop at a red neck bar in Alpine where his bus dropped him off. Perhaps he really shouldn’t have worn those red shoes. When he becomes a target of a group of drunks, Lorenzo Maryboy comes to his rescue and they both land in jail. When Jesse calls his grandfather for bail money and a ride to the ranch, Lorenzo and Jesse discover that they share a common destination and need for a studio.

A decision to share the studio leads to both of them living under the same roof with The Original as Jesse’s grandfather is called. Long days in the studio and conversations over dinner lead to mutual attraction and then to love. But Jesse is an artist possessed by his art. He won’t let anything stand between him and his pursuit of his vision, not even love. When he commits an act of betrayal so huge that even his grandfather fears that Lorenzo’s love and trust are lost forever, Jesse finally decides what is important to him, Lorenzo. The path Jesse takes to win back Lorenzo’s trust and love is more dangerous than he can imagine. Can Lorenzo forgive Jesse or will his muse prove to be the death of him?

Once again, Sarah Black has created characters so memorable that I revisit them often. Her gift of characterization and locale has never shined so bright then it does here. Black sets the reader down on the bench next to these people, making us feel so much a part of their world that I felt bereft when it was time to go. There is no such thing as a standard Black character as each new persona is its own unique creation, albeit one that you feel you could run into on a street in Texas or a gallery in San Francisco. And when it comes to her settings, I know she has been there. Black has walked the paths, smelled the desert air and felt the heat rise off the streets in Arizona so vividly do her settings come alive.

Jesse Clayton the third is a wonderful character. His city pretty boy exterior hides a driven to the point of obsession personality. He is unexpected in so many ways. Out and proud in San Francisco, he loves the frantic city life, with its parties and casual hookups but still requires the quiet isolation of a Texas ranch and his grandfather to center him. All the markers of an artist possessed by his muse are there from the beginning, and only Lorenzo is surprised when Jesse betrays his trust. By the time this occurs, you have come to understand Jesse as thoroughly as his grandfather does. You may not always like his actions but you still love him.

I will say this now that as wonderful a character as Jesse Clayton is, it is USMC Staff Sargent Lorenzo Maryboy and The Original (Jesse Clayton’s grandfather, a retired Marine and cartoonist) who captured my heart. The book is told from Lorenzo’s POV and Sarah Black makes these people come alive. You breath with them, you sit down at the table with a Shiner beer and steak with them and feel the grit and dryness of Marathon, Texas flow over you. Her descriptions are so real that I felt I was in the room looking at Jesse’s paintings or running the back alleys of the town with Lorenzo. Lorenzo Maryboy is proud of his ancestry, a Marine to his core, proud, honorable a man of few words. This is Lorenzo talking to Jesse as they leave the jail in Alpine:

“…Sugar Plum Fairy.’ It was a favorite around our house at Christmastime.”

“Gotcha. Okay, you can call me Mary, if you can’t remember Maryboy, and I won’t bust your ass. Don’t call me zo-zo. I’m gonna call you Jesse. JC sounds too much like Jesus Christ, and I am not calling you JC3. So, that’s names settled.

“What are you going to all The Original if you’re calling me Jesse?”

“I’m gonna call him Sir. ”

That’s Lorenzo in just a few sentences. He’s straightforward and succinct. I love him.

That Sarah Black understands what it means to be a Marine is clear given her and her family’s military background. Her Marine characters here also include The Original and Uncle George, the Sheriff in Alpine who served two tours of duty in Vietnam with Jesse’s grandfather. The author understands and honors the Marine core values. It is evident in these men and the way in which she has them live their lives. While you may never fully comprehend what it means to be a Marine unless you are one, she brings us closer to an understanding with her portraits of these men.

Her books not only stay with me because of the memorable characters and places that populate her books but she also sends me scrambling to the computer to research a topic/thing/event that pops up in her books that I have never heard of, in this case Bath tub Marys. There is even a Appreciation of Bathtub Marys Society. An added bonus to be sure.

When I pick up a book by Sarah Black, my only two complaints are usually that they are too short and that the endings are sometime unsettled. She addressed both of these topics in her blog in a way that while she didn’t win me over to the shorter lengths in story telling, I certainly understood her point of view. Same goes for her endings….life does not give you pat endings tying up all loose ends and neither does Sarah Black. But here you get both a longer story (and yes, I found that so much more satisfying) and a ending that left me sated and happy. I laughed and cried with this book. It will certainly stay with me. Tonight I will most likely start the book over and delve into this town and its characters once again.

Cover: Cover art by the wonderful Anne Cain. No more to be said.

Author Spotlight: Sarah Black here

Available at Dreamspinner Press, Amazon, and ARe.

Authors Website: Sarah Black Writes

Mustard Pork Roast and the Week Ahead

Warm and misty and frustrated here in Maryland this morning. All week I had been hearing about the moon. That it was going to be spectacular! The closest to Earth it has been for a while and that it would appear freakin’ HUGE in the night sky. I made my preparations. Camera ready? Check. Chair at hand? Check! Finally dark? Check! Moon? Uh, hello? Moon? That would be no! As in not even a hint of light in the night sky! Nada, zip, nothing! Clouds? Yep, plenty of them. But no moon. It didn’t help to turn on the evening news and have the chirpy meteorologist post pictures of a fantastic Moon while dishing out his sympathy to those poor smucks (me) who didn’t get to see it due to CLOUDS not forecast the evening before! It will be 29 years before the Moon will be that close again and I will be ancient. But you can rest assured I will be out in front looking for that damn Moon!

I am not the only one here in a frustrated state. Out back in our small fish pond sings a lonely Leopard Frog. He made it through the winter and the perilous visits of our Great Blue Heron only to croak out his status as the lone stud of the tiny pond. Lately he had been croaking less. I guess he didn’t see much cause to continue. Than I got out the small blue fountain from the shed, assembled it, and filled it with water, confident that our last frost is gone for the year. I didn’t notice it had attracted a visitor until later that afternoon. Sure enough our lonely frog had taken a journey over to the new addition in the garden and found true love. Here is the photograph to prove it:

Who knows if this love affair will continue? It might be very final if he doesn’t get his ass off that elevated fountain and back to the safety of the pond where he might be lonely but will also stay alive! I will let you know what happens.

So tonight is a wonderful pork recipe. The house smells delicious when it is cooking and this dish is always so easy and great tasting. It calls for pork tenderloins but works just as well with a pork roast. The sauce isn’t heavy so it works well in spring and summer too. Thanks to Laura Calder again!

Mustard Pork:

Ingredients:

1 tablespoon olive oil
2 pork tenderloins (about 8 ounces) or pork roast about 1 or 2 lbs
Salt and freshly ground pepper
About 3/4 cup Dijon mustard (plain or grainy) I use a combination of both
1 shallot, minced
1 cup dry white wine (use a good wine, I like a Sauvignon Blanc)
1 cup creme fraiche or sour cream
2 tablespoons chopped fresh rosemary

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F

Rub the oil in a roasting pan. Sprinkle the pork with salt and pepper and rub the pork all over with the mustard. Set it in the pan and pour in 1/2 cup water. Roast until the pork is tender, about 1 hour 30 minutes. (If the water evaporates in the pan, add a little more.)

Remove the pork to a serving dish and keep warm. Fry the shallot in the roasting pan on the stovetop. Deglaze with wine and boil to reduce by half. Stir in the sour cream or creme fraiche and rosemary, and reduce to sauce consistency. Check the seasonings. Slice the pork, pour the sauce on top and serve. This dish has become a go to recipe here. You just can’t go wrong with Mustard Pork.

Finally, let’s get to the week ahead shall we?

Monday: Review of Battle of Hearts by Valentina Heart

Tuesday: Review of Fairy Gift by J. K. Pendragon

Wednesday: Review of Marathon Cowboys by Sarah Black, our Spotlight author

Thursday: Review of Nature of the Beasty by Amylea Lyn

Friday: Review of The Beast’s Promise by Amylea Lyn

Saturday: Bloggers Surprise as I have decided which book to go with yet.

So have a great week. Check out the latest Vocabulary Gone Bad if you haven’t already! FF and I will see you soon. That’s frustrated frog to all of you.

Destination Anus or Where No Starfish Has Gone Before – Vocabulary Gone Bad #2

Note: Let’s just agree that this column is for mature audiences only shall we? If you continue reading, you are clearly over the age of 18 and don’t need your parents approval. We are serious, people! Words used in the most despicable manner is no laughing matter!!! Ok, well it is a laughing matter or we wouldn’t be here. Getting off course again. Sigh.

So, here we are back again for our second installment of Vocabulary Gone Bad. I have spent the last week or so toiling in the basement of the sentence horribilus. OK, not really, I have been gathering together a list of poor phraseology that drives us right up that proverbial wall and over. So many in fact that I think I must have enough material for a book or at least a graphic novel – the mind reels doesn’t it? Today we are going to concentrate on two male body parts and the inexplicable, somewhat confusing, and just plain hilarious words we sometimes use to describe them. Once again it’s that usage that stops us dead mid sentence in a novel. Backs us right up for that second looksee! Makes us doubt our eyes and check the prescription on our glasses. You know! THAT word!

Anus/Rosebud/Ass Lips/Starfish:Since time began or at least kindergarten, the anus has been a source of humor and fascination. When young, you’re preoccupied with it and rightly so. There’s examining the stuff that comes out of it, potty training it, being taught to wipe it, clean it, and by all means cover it! The anus has been called the shit hole, pooper, poop hole, shitter, butthole, and of course, the ever popular and widely used asshole. All of which have many appropriate usages from noun to adjective and beyond. You can say of course “Look, you little shitter, stop calling your brother a pooper!” And “Hey asshole, when are you going to move out of that shithole you call an apartment?” or “Hey, poophead” (it all depends upon your actual or emotional age). See? All widely used and totally appropriate!

We rarely use the correct term – anus. Why? I mean really, think back to the first time your class had to memorize the planets in our galaxy and some poor schmo had the task of reporting on Uranus! He turns red (why is it always the guys who get assigned this one) and shuffles his feet in preparation for what’s coming. He only gets one word out “Uranus” and the class breaks out into Beavis and Butthead giggles and snorts. From there we head over to Carter from South Park and his anal probe. To quote Rodney Dangerfield, it gets no respect.

So imagine the difficulty authors of m/m fiction have when writing sex scenes and the anus literally comes into play. The characters have fallen into lust/love and are getting ready to consummate away. The lube and condoms (safe sex please) come out. What happens next is a toss up as the anus still has that ability to produce guffaws instead of lust laden groans and all because the author got adventurous with their word choices.

Think about it. There you are reading along, happy with the two or more frisky men having at it in the story in front of you when you come across “…and then Zane teased my ass lips with the vibrator..” Wait! What? No, it really reads “ass lips”. My mind immediately conjures up a posterior with red lipstick on it and shuts down, sexy men forgotten. I take a deep breath and bravely continue on with “… pressing on the center of my anal starfish while probing… “. *blink blink blink* Apparently Zane has taken a hike and arrived at a nearby beach. Anal starfish? Really? When did we start using benthic fauna to describe male anatomy? Can sexy sea squid be far behind? Further into the abyss I go (yeah, I went there). Zane continues on. “He jabbed another couple of inches into my shitter…”. Kindle drops to the bed and I start to giggle. The book is a hopeless cause.

And this author is not the only one to lose me over their descriptions just the most recent. These aren’t the only poor word choices I’ve read lately. I have run across man cave (yikes, spelunkers ahead), man pussy, and man cunt. As with man tits (see When A Tit Should Be A Nip Or Leave Those Orbs Alone -VGB#1), a huge absofuckatively no on the words man pussy and man cunt. Even if you are transgendered or are genderqueer, I can’t imagine you would use those terms. If I am wrong, give me a shout out and let me know. Otherwise, can we just agree to let those words sink into vocabulary quicksand where they belong?

The Penis aka Throbbing Member, Dong, Pulsating passionate pestle, Joystick, Fuckstick, Mister Happy. When it comes to the penis and it’s many monikers, a little research sees a veritable floodgate open and the names pour out. Weenie, whang, tool,dick, cock, tool, manhandle, man root, and so many more. My earliest memory of penis names comes from the schoolyard at elementary school. Wee wee, peter, dingaling, and willy spring to mind. Yep, went there again. There are instrument based penis names like meat whistle, skin flute, blue-veined piccolo, love trumpet, and roaring horn. There are animal based names like lizard, pecker, python, one-eyed snake, spitting cobra, and my personal favorite trouser trout. And of course the ever popular food based names that include pickle, banana, pork sword, cucumber, gherkin, wiener, manmeat, tubesteak, hairy sausage, and mutton dagger.** I am sure you will think of more. One site alone lists over 400 terms for penis. With that many to choose from, how it is that some authors are still using words that stop us dead in our tracks, kill any sexy mood they were trying to achieve, and just leave us dumbfounded? Over and over, poor vocabulary has left me giggling instead of sighing.

I like the terms cock and dick. They can give a sexual scene a rough and immediate feel of lust. Prick and junk also get honorable mention as most of the instances where I have seen them used get the appropriate response. Glans works too. Member and shaft, while anatomically correct, get downgraded when they hook up with unseemly companions, hence, throbbing member and loveshaft. There are many wonderful and sexy ways to describe the penis without giving it a name. “It/he/name hardened under his touch” or “his pants tented”. Many authors give the scene texture by describing how it feels, the skins and veining. That’s sexy too. But when someone starts to jerk the “that pocket rocket”, that “flesh piston of power”, then all bets are off. Purple prose, my Aunt Fanny! I would call that the Skittles of Prose.

Just because I like you, I have included some examples below. These are literary passages, people! Get those minds out of the gutter! !

The Skittle Prose memorable entries:

” …Jacques’ admirably distended weapon…and indeed this massive weapon sprang from a hiding place of thick, shaggy, graying fleece…”* Wow, Jacque’s weapon was both distended and massive. Go Jacques!- *The Autobiography of a Flea by Anonymous 1901

“Shai Hulud”, I responded, “Because it’s a gigantic life-giving spice worm that’s worshipped as a god, that’s why.” Live chat tweet. That is just so wrong on so many levels I don’t know where to start.

“I couldn’t wait to get down on my knees to start sucking on his engorged pleasure-stick” remembered story recollection that still burns in the brain of Graham from my GR’s group. Thank you, Graham, Katey, Kate, Steelwhisper, Tam, Stacey Jo, Lisa and so many more for your contributions.

“…Harry’s ebony shaft. Joey, the Italian kid from across the street had his salami up my ass” from *Happy New Year by Kenn Dahll. This author is also responsible for Zane and his antics. Free from Smashwords. Please go download it.

So to wrap this puppy up, at least for now. I am begging you authors, present and future, back away from those descriptions that make us cringe. When in doubt, reach for the Pinot Noir and not the Rigid Digit. If it makes you giggle when you say it aloud, think of its impact upon us poor helpless readers and just say no! Of course if you don’t say no, if the temptation is too great, if you wake up at night covered in sweat because the term love muscle just calls to you then don’t be surprised if it appears on another Vocabulary Gone Bad. I am everywhere, just waiting for the purple prose to fall! And researching. And reading! See you at the next Vocabulary Gone Bad! If you have any suggestions, please let me know! The list grows ever longer.

Find the first Vocabulary Gone Bad When A Tit Should Be A Nip or Leave Those Orbs Alone here

**These lists and more Penis Word Lists from the Penis Resources Blog, 101 Penis words. What an invaluable resource!

Review of After Anna by Theda Black

Rating: 2.5 stars

Will St. James and Tyler Neville are best friends and partners on the police force. And for Tyler, there’s more–he’s got feelings for Will, feelings he’s kept locked away. When Will’s girlfriend dies, Tyler supports him in every way he can, even when Will’s increasingly self-destructive behavior endangers them both on the job. And as Will withdraws further, a desperate Tyler can’t keep his feelings hidden anymore. But Will doesn’t turn his back on him. In fact, Will might have some feelings of his own he’s kept hidden. The trouble is, Tyler’s kept more than one secret. He knows something about Anna’s death–something that could end their relationship for good.

This story poses quite a few problems for a reviewer who would like to find something positive to say. While the author shows flashes of potential as far as characters and plot structure are concerned, the choppy writing style, constantly changing pov, and lack of believable character backstory wash away the high points from the very beginning. I liked the basic structure of the story. It begins with the death of Will’s girl friend from a drug overdose, and then each chapter moves the story forward so many days, i.e., Chapter 3, 4 days later. Not a bad idea but each time frame is a different amount of days, so that it is Will at 8 days of recovering or to 14 days later, not that much of a difference to divide it up into chapters. Good idea poor execution. I also had trouble with the dialog, most of the time I had to double check to see which character was speaking which line. Chopping delivery combined with poor identification made following any scene tedious. The story loses it’s momentum when the reader has to struggle with poorly framed dialog and story structure.

Will is mourning the loss of his girl friend but gosh darn it if he doesn’t keep kissing his partner at the drop of a hat. His love for his girlfriend never seems the least bit based in reality and neither does his newly found lust for his partner. He gets drunk, runs off, comes back, exhibiting all the self control of a 12 year old, with my apologies to 12 year olds everywhere. Will St. James is an insubstantial outline of a main character. Tyler Neville has a little more depth to him, but that is not saying much.

My biggest problem is that both characters are detectives and partners on the police force. They are supposed to be seasoned officers yet time and again they rush into knowingly dangerous situations without backup, bust down doors into parties without identifying themselves, past drug-laden tables to beat down a target. One partner is out of control due to his grief. One covers for him. Still no matter the situation both have an absolute lack of knowledge of police procedures between them. Reading this is like watching an old Starskey and Hutch episode with Starsky and Hutch demonstrating superior police procedure than the two detectives within this story.

Finally, one of the most heatedly argued subject these days is the inclusion of m/f sexual content within the m/m genre. So be warned. This story contains some explicit m/f sexual scenes that most readers of m/m fiction will find unnecessary and unwanted. For me it was just another indication of how far off track the author went with her story. Call this a tale of promise derailed.

Cover: So so. Seems typical of self published authors with little graphic or design experience. I mean really do either of these twinks look like seasoned police officers to you?

Available as a free read at Amazon.

Review of Face Value, Sanctuary #3 by RJ Scott

Rating: 4.5 stars

As the Bullen Family conspiracy continues to unfold, Beckett Jamieson, aka Robert Bullen, is recovering in a Sanctuary safehouse from the beating his father and uncle gave him. Dale McIntyre, a Sanctuary Agent, along with Joseph Kinnon (The Only Easy Day, #2)rescue him, kill his Uncle and arrest his father. When Beckett awakens, he’s blind and alone with Kayden Summers in a house in the middle of the woods. Dale McIntyre, his only safety line and contact, is gone, off on another assignment. Kayden Summers is both a Doctor and field agent for Sanctuary. But when everything Beckett has known has turned out to be false, can he trust someone he can’t see to keep him safe?

In Face Value, RJ Scott continues to unravel the story of the powerful Bullen family while introducing us to new Sanctuary agents and people involved in the Bullen family past. Beckett Jamieson turned 21 and immediately found out that his life has been one subterfuge after another. Isla and Derek Jamieson were not his biological parents, and his real name is Robert Edward Bullen, scion of the powerful and wealthy Bullen clan. Austin Mitchell, lawyer and friend of his biological mother, Emma, hands him a letter and a box with his initials on it that change his life forever. Soon he is embroiled with the FBI, murder, the Bullens and of course, Sanctuary.

I love a good mystery and here is one that has stretched out over three books and looks to continue on as there is no resolution in sight at the end of Face Value. Once again, the author has done an incredible job of bringing us a variety of interesting characters, from endearing to malignant, in a mystery that deepens with each book. Beckett Jamieson is that perfect combination of innocence and determination. Just 21 when everything he knows is upended, his frustration, fear, and bravery endear the reader immediately starting with the first chapter. Here his uncle and father find him snooping around his mother’s old room, looking for incriminating evidence against them for the DA. Your heart pounds along with his as he realizes he’s been discovered and they are not buying his story. And then the beating starts, and I felt sickened until just as he passes out he hears the sounds of a rescue in progress.

When Beck wakes up, he’s been transported to a safe house, he’s temporarily blind due to his beatings, and his only companion is Dr. Hayden Summers. So realistic is the scene where Beck slowly returns to consciousness you are right there feeling his confusion, and then mounting apprehension when he can’t open his eyes which turns to terror upon the realization he can’t see. He’s helpless and can only barely hold on as a calm voice tells him the blindness is temporary, and to trust him. The voice of course belongs to another multilayered character, Hayden Summers. He’s just turned 26 but mentally and emotionally far older due to his back story. Hayden was raised in a compound by a loving but unstable father (think Waco, TX without the religious overtones). When the compound is raided, his father dies, and Hayden is taken by the founder of Sanctuary and raised with his son. A complicated background makes for a brilliant and complicated young man. As Hayden cares for his young patient, he is both impatient to be away in the field and away from Beckett to whom he is drawn. He is a brilliant Doctor, martial arts expert, gay and sarcastic son of a bitch outside of his doctor persona who shies away from emotional attachments. It’s a delicate dance of trust and attraction between two young gay men under stressful and potentially deadly conditions. And RJ Scott has done a great job of making their waltz towards a relationship remain grounded in real life expectations while allowing the possibilities of romance to grow. The characters here never lose sight of their goals, there is no instant love, just the hope of more if they can just keep Beck alive. And the twists and turns the plot takes will take your breath away and make your heart stop just when you think they are safe.

As I got to the end of Face Value, I immediately wanted to reach for the next book. And then the one after that. I want to know more, I want more of Beck and Hayden (they are that interesting and they deserve it). I want to see the Bullen family pulled down and justice served. Of course, I also want more Dale and Joseph (The Only Easy Day), as well as Nik and Morgan from Guarding Morgan. Book by book, RJ Scott is building my Sanctuary addiction and now I can’t wait for the next one. The next couple. And perhaps a glimpse of those we have already met and loved. Mission accomplished, RJ Scott, a job well done.

Cover: Reese Dante is the cover artist. Love this cover. The model is the perfect Beck. Great cover design for a wonderful story. Grade A.

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