Tag: author N. R. Walker

Audiobook Review Tour For NR Walker’s Red Dirt Heart #2

 



Buy Links: Audible US | Audible UK 


Listening Time: 7 hrs 10 mins


Red Dirt Heart #1: Audible US | Audible UK

Blurb

Up until Travis arrived on his doorstep, Charlie had lived a very solitary life. He had surrounded himself with isolation; a couple million acres of red dirt, scorching sun and loneliness.

Six months on, winter has settled over the desert, and Charlie has the life he never dreamed possible. But living and working together, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, for six months straight starts to take its toll.

Charlie is a stubborn, stubborn man, who tends to have more conversations in his head than what comes out his mouth, whereas Travis has no problem saying what’s on his mind. And even as they both struggle to communicate, struggle to make sense of need versus want, Charlie can see that he’s pushing Travis away – yet seems helpless to stop it.

When it all boils down to whether Travis should stay or go, maybe the decision won’t be theirs to make.

Author Bio

N.R. Walker is an Australian author, who loves her genre of gay romance. She loves writing and spends far too much time doing it, but wouldn’t have it any other way.

She is many things; a mother, a wife, a sister, a writer. She has pretty, pretty boys who she gives them life with words.

She likes it when they do dirty, dirty things…but likes it even more when they fall in love. She used to think having people in her head talking to her was weird, until one day she happened across other writers who told her it was normal.

She’s been writing ever since…

 

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A Lila Audiobook Review: Red Dirt Heart #2 by NR Walker and Joel Leslie (Narrator)

Rating: 4 stars out of 5

red-dirt-heart-2-audiobookUp until Travis arrived on his doorstep, Charlie had lived a very solitary life. He had surrounded himself with isolation; a couple million acres of red dirt, scorching sun and loneliness.

Six months on, winter has settled over the desert, and Charlie has the life he never dreamed possible. But living and working together, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, for six months straight starts to take its toll.

Charlie is a stubborn, stubborn man, who tends to have more conversations in his head than what comes out his mouth, whereas Travis has no problem saying what’s on his mind. And even as they both struggle to communicate, struggle to make sense of need versus want, Charlie can see that he’s pushing Travis away – yet seems helpless to stop it.

When it all boils down to whether Travis should stay or go, maybe the decision won’t be theirs to make.

Red Dirt Heart 2 looks into Travis’s and Charlie’s relationship months after they became a couple. They’re cautious, but every day gives them an opportunity to learn more about the other. Solidifying their decision to be together.

I like how their relationship moved forward and how they integrated it to their everyday chores. Finding that combination between life and work took them a while but it became central to the book. I’m not a fan of stories in which the main characters had trouble or break up just to add more books to a series. So, I’m glad it was more to this second book than relationship issues.

This is a sweeter, warmer story. It seems slow in parts, but it shows how relationships really work. We get to see Travis and Charlie getting comfortable in their skins and with their relationship. Just like before, Travis helps Charlie be a better man and in return, Charlie shows Travis the beauty of small acts of love.

Book two is raw and filled with emotion, not only from the MCs but from the rest of the cast. They all play an important part in Travis’s and Charlie’s future and added color to their days. There are very sad moments, but the happiness around Sutton Station compensates for it. Keep an eye open for unexpected guests and lovely quiet times.

Joel Leslie continued to impress me with the narration. It was up-to-spot, not missing a single beat from the previous installment. He gives the characters more than a voice, he makes them real. It’s hard to imagine than Sutton Station doesn’t house all these characters in real life. It’s like they came together to tell us their stories.

Another fitting cover by Sara York. Just like book #1, the cover makes more sense after you read the book.

Sales Links:  Amazon | iTunes | Audible

Audiobook Details:

Narrator: Joel Leslie
Length: 7 hours 10 minutes
Published: January 18, 2017 (Audio Edition) by Love Lane Books
ASIN: B01N9RLT2B
Edition Language: English

Series: Red Dirt
Book #1: Red Dirt Heart
Book #2: Red Dirt Heart 2

 

A Lila Audiobook Review: Red Dirt Heart #1 by NR Walker and Joel Leslie (Narrator)

Rating: 4.25 stars out of 5

red-dirt-heart-1-audioWelcome to Sutton Station: One of the world’s largest working farms in the middle of Australia – where if the animals and heat don’t kill you first, your heart just might.

Charlie Sutton runs Sutton Station the only way he knows how; the way his father did before him. Determined to keep his head down and his heart in check, Charlie swears the red dirt that surrounds him – isolates him – runs through his veins.

American agronomy student Travis Craig arrives at Sutton Station to see how farmers make a living from one of the harshest environments on earth. But it’s not the barren, brutal and totally beautiful landscapes that capture him so completely, it’s the man with the red dirt heart.

Red Dirt Heart is an intense story about two men learning to love and accept each other. Their differences played tug-of-war with their feelings, creating more problems that they expected. Falling in love might not have been part of their plan, but the “lost in translation” effect added to the magic.

I normally wait until the end of the review to talk about the narrator, but this is about the audio version after all. This is my first story by Joel Leslie and I need to accept that I had to listen to the opening scene several times to get used to the different voices he created. I do have a very strong accent so I know how hard is for others to understand something they’re not used to, but after the initial shock, I can’t imagine reading the actual books. I’m waiting for the rest of the series to be released in audio. Charlie Sutton is now too real to be set aside. When you say that you can imagine visiting an area to meet the characters from a book, this is one of them. I’d love to travel to Sutton Station.

One thing, though, I wasn’t much into the female voices and Travis made me think of Bill Clinton. Sorry but it’s true. I listened to Clinton’s audiobooks and the accents are similar. I do live in Texas, but that cowboy had an Arkansan twang. 🙂

Travis’s and Charlie’s story isn’t an easy one. We get it from the very beginning with Travis’s arrival and how it changed Charlie’s view. We see how they struggled with what they wanted, especially Charlie, and what they were willing to do to get their happiness.

This is a very well-written story with much more than a simple romance plot. It’s a travel story with enough details about the Australian outback to make the reader want to visit. I’m not going to spoil the events that brought them together, but it was all worth it. Every single detail that might seem unnecessary, added another layer.

Definitely, a great story. One that’s not going to get dated over the years. The topics are universal and relevant no matter the times.

The cover by Sara York seems generic at first sight but after you read the story, you will see that it’s perfect for this book.

Sales Links:  Amazon | iTunes | Audible

Audiobook Details:

Narrator: Joel Leslie
Length: 5 hours 7 minutes
Published: July 4, 2016 (Audio Edition) by Love Lane Books
ASIN: B01HU3WTHQ
Edition Language: English

Series: Red Dirt
Book #1: Red Dirt Heart

 

A MelanieM Review: Imago (Imago #1) by N.R. Walker

Rating: 5 stars out of 5

imago-by-nr-walkerNerdy, introverted genius lepidopterist, Lawson Gale, is an expert on butterflies. He finds himself in a small town in Tasmania on a quest from an old professor to find an elusive species that may or may not even exist.

Local Parks and Wildlife officer, Jack Brighton, is an ordinary guy who loves his life in the sleepy town of Scottsdale. Along with his Border collie dog, Rosemary, his job, and good friends, he has enough to keep from being lonely.

But then he meets Lawson, and he knows he’s met someone special. There’s more to catching butterflies, Jack realises. Sometimes the most elusive creatures wear bowties, and sometimes they can’t be caught at all.

Lawson soon learns there are butterflies he can’t learn about it in books. They exist only in a touch, in a kiss, in a smile. He just has to let go first, so these butterflies can fly.

Imago is the story of finding love, bowties, and butterflies.

If I had asked N.R. Walker to write a book just for me, Imago is it.  Talk about a book made for a naturalist who reads m/m romances!  Imago comes complete with N.R. Walker’s outstanding matchup of characters, a setting to sink into, and a storyline that grabbed me at every narrative choice the author makes.  If I could, I’d add on a star or two as I loved it that much.

Starting with the meet up on the plane and then in the airport, Walker lays out that these two are special, ready to deflect all the stereotypes ready to be thrown at them. Sure, some initial traits you might expect are there.  The  fumbling, the lateness, etc from  Lawson and from the tall, handsome Jack the sheer capability to manage things.  But Walker uses that as an outline to slowly fill in the real men, the ones full of intellect and passion for all sorts of things that we get to discover as the story continues and they reveal themselves to each other.  I love that in a romance and N.R. Walker brings us so intimately into these men’s lives that I feel as though I’m there with them, listening and watching something special unfold.

Imago has a scientific meaning, one that’s revealed at the end of the story.  I’m going to leave it for the reader to discover as its a beautiful way to end the novel.  But science and the passion for nature and conservation is woven throughout this story.  One man is a Parks and Wildlife officer, the other a lepidopterist.  Both men love nature and understand the need to preserve, document and promote conservation of the species.  I believe the author believes in this as well but the message is delivered beautifully through her ties with her country and with the flora and fauna she describes in her stories.  We get plenty of that here through Jack and Lawson’s hikes and preservation work.  I loved every word and sentence! The science is well researched and tools of the trade are spot on. It was so well done in every way.  I didn’t find myself cringing once (which is a real thing when reading books about field research and park rangers).

Along with the passion for each other and for their jobs, there’s some action and suspense too.  Walker gives us everything as well as a HFN that’s realistic and perfection.  I’m so happy we didn’t get a HEA for these men.  That would never work here.  But there’s a promise for more and I can’t wait!

Here’s a book I’m already getting ready to open up again for the shear pleasure of a second read.  So yes, I highly recommend it.  Now if only I can find the patience to wait for the second book to come out.

Cover art is perfection as well.  Look at that butterfly as a bowtie!

Sales Links

Amazon US | Amazon UK| Amazon AUS | Amazon DE

Book Details:

Kindle Edition, 158 pages
Published February 18th 2017
Edition LanguageEnglish
SeriesImago #1

In the New Release Spotlight: NR Walker’s Imago (giveaway)

 
Length: 45,000 words
 
 
Blurb
 

Nerdy, introverted genius lepidopterist, Lawson Gale, is an expert on butterflies. He finds himself in a small town in Tasmania on a quest from an old professor to find an elusive species that may or may not even exist.

Local Parks and Wildlife officer, Jack Brighton, is an ordinary guy who loves his life in the sleepy town of Scottsdale. Along with his Border collie dog, Rosemary, his job, and good friends, he has enough to keep from being lonely.

But then he meets Lawson, and he knows he’s met someone special. There’s more to catching butterflies, Jack realises. Sometimes the most elusive creatures wear bowties, and sometimes they can’t be caught at all.

Lawson soon learns there are butterflies he can’t learn about it in books. They exist only in a touch, in a kiss, in a smile. He just has to let go first, so these butterflies can fly.

Imago is the story of finding love, bowties, and butterflies.




 

February 25 – Foxylutely Books
 
Author Bio
 

N.R. Walker is an Australian author, who loves her genre of gay romance. She loves writing and spends far too much time doing it, but wouldn’t have it any other way.

She is many things; a mother, a wife, a sister, a writer. She has pretty, pretty boys who she gives them life with words.

She likes it when they do dirty, dirty things…but likes it even more when they fall in love. She used to think having people in her head talking to her was weird, until one day she happened across other writers who told her it was normal.

She’s been writing ever since…

 

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A MelanieM Review: Switched by N.R. Walker

Rating: 5 stars out of 5

switched-by-nr-walkerIsrael Ingham’s life has never been easy. He grew up in a house devoid of love and warmth. Nothing he ever did was good enough. The fact Israel is gay just added to the long list of his father’s disappointments.

Then a letter from Eastport Children’s Hospital changes everything.

A discovery is made, one of gross human error. Twenty-six years ago two baby boys were switched at birth and sent home with the wrong families.

Sam, Israel’s best friend, has been his only source of love and support. With Sam beside him every step of the way, Israel decides to meet his birth mother and her son, the man who lived the life Israel should have.

Israel and Sam become closer than ever, amidst the tumultuous emotions of meeting his birth family, and Sam finds himself questioning his feelings toward his best friend. As Israel embraces new possibilities, he needs to dissect his painful relationship with his parents in order to salvage what’s left.

Because sometimes it takes proof you’re not actually family to become one.

Switched is such a deeply moving story, different in some respects from what I expect from this author and yet so similar in the feelings it will pull from the reader that you know you are reading a  N.R. Walker story.  It hits so close to the heart that it brings up comparisons to my favorites, especially my beloved Red Dirt series.

In Switched we have a superb friends to lovers tale, with Israel Ingram also known as I.I. or Captain and his best friend, Sam.  Israel, wealthy, raised by his nannies, gardeners and other staff than by his cold emotionally removed parents has relied on the support and friendship of Sam and his family to supply him with the love and care he so needed and lacked growing up.   Sam, not wealthy in money, but in every other way, has been there, watching the cold disapproval and disinterest eat away at Israel, hoping to staunch those wounds made by Israel’s parents with his own love and support.

Immediately we get this turmoil, all this emotional cost and years of abuse that has gone on, through Walker’s descriptive, vivid  scenes and believable dialog.  It brings us intimately into these peoples lives and keeps us there.  Our connections to these characters become tight and our hearts are tied to their futures and happiness.

Then comes the shattering moment when Israel and his family find out that he was switched at birth.  And Israel falls apart. As does his world.

To move through this situation that fractures a man, and watch him put himself back together again, with the love and support of Sam, Sam’s family and much more?  Its a true joy.  It takes such a moment for  Israel and Sam to move past friendship into the love that’s been theirs all along.  And in the hands of N.R. Walker, you’ll sob, and laugh, and sob some more as Israel struggles to figure out who he is and where he now stands in this new realigned world.

I have to mention all the layers of supporting characters because there are so many.  All believable, all so important to this story.  From the father who has behaved so cold as to be abusive, the mother equally coldly detached?  They too have layers and, while they must answer for those years, not all is black and white.  Walker recognizes Israel’s right to be angry over his upbringing and has him seeing a therapist.  Again and again in the story, the right choices are made in the narrative, no holes are left, people move forward with their lives while dealing with the past as best they can.  Such a remarkable book.

I just loved Switched by N.R. Walker.  I recommend it highly as I do its author, N.R. Walker.

Cover art accurately reflects by idea of Israel, I just love it.

Sales Link

7104e-waxcreative-amazon-kindle

Book Details:

Kindle Edition, 269 pages
Published December 25th 2016
Original TitleSwitched
ASINB01N7M3PBW
Edition LanguageEnglish

A MelanieM Recent Release Review: Perfect Catch by N.R. Walker

Rating: 4.75 stars out of 5

perfect-catchCalvin Lynch and Troy Hoffman have been best mates since they were fourteen years old. They’re both hard-working tradesmen, both love weekends away fishing, both gay, but have never been single at the same time. Until now.

What is supposed to be a weekend away fishing with a group of mates, changes at the last minute when friends bail out in an attempt to give Cal and Troy some alone time.

With more than just hooks on the line, can these two see what’s been right in front of them the whole time?

The Perfect Catch is a short story about falling for your best friend hook, line, and sinker.

A 20K short story which was part of the It Was Always You anthology.

I missed out on this anthology somehow but I thrilled that I got to read NR Walker’s Perfect Catch as a standalone.  This is as close to perfect a ‘friends to lovers’ story can be in a short format.  The author gives us Calvin and Troy’s background as tight mates from their teens, their circle of friends, who by the way have long recognized how much these men have loved each other, and the deep, abiding bond that exists between Cal and Troy.   One weekend of camping and fishing, something the men have always done together, brings out all the hidden feelings, all the longing, all the revelations in a way that I can only call the NR Walker way.  Its superb, heartwarming, and delightful.

Told from Calvin’s pov, we get the sense of old friends working effortlessly as they prepare for their camping trip, the Ute packed, gear stowed as it has hundreds of times.  Yet this trip? New thoughts are churning in Cal’s head, and perhaps, Troy’s too.  Put there by their friends who deliberately backed out of coming with them and their own desires.

Slowly, bit by bit, over the trip, as they fish, eat, and watch each other, the sexual tension and knowledge that things are changing builds.  Its delicious, we want it to never end and we want it to stop immediately.  Because we have fallen in love with these men and we want them to be happy.

Oh, those sex scenes are hot when they finally happen.  Fans self.

Only the ending kept this from being 5 stars.  It was either too long or not long enough.  I still can’t decide.  Probably not long enough.  It is N.R. Walker after all.  I can never get enough of her stories or couples.

If you  missed out on the anthology, or this story,   grab it up immediately.  This is one you definitely won’t want to miss!  I’m on my way to rereading it once more.

Cover art is perfect for the story and couple

Sales Links

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Book Details:

Kindle Edition, 63 pages
Published January 10th 2017
Original TitlePerfect Catch
Edition LanguageEnglish

A MelanieM/Barb the Zany Old Lady Review: The Weight of It All by N.R. Walker

Rating: 5+ stars out of 5

the-weight-of-it-all-by-nr-walkerAfter being dumped by his long-term boyfriend for being overweight, Henry Beckett decides to make some drastic changes. In a vain attempt at getting his boyfriend back, Henry does the most absurdly frightening thing he can think of.

He joins a gym.

Reed Henske is a personal trainer who isn’t sure he’ll ever be ready to date again. He’s sick of guys who are only interested in the perfect body image, never seeing him for who he really is.

As Reed tortures Henry with things like diet and exercise, Henry enamours Reed with recipes and laughter. As the friendship lines start to blur, Henry is convinced there’s no way Thor-like Reed could ever be interested in a guy like him.

Reed just has to convince Henry that life isn’t about reaching your ideal bodyweight. It’s about finding your perfect counterweight.

The Weight of It All by N.R. Walker proved to be a bit of a wonderful issue here at Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words.  Two of us had each read it and fallen in love.  What to do about the review? The only solution was a combined review. Here’s our thoughts on The Weight of It All by N.R. Walker:

Barb, the Zany Old Lady:

This was a truly enjoyable story on so many levels. First and foremost, Henry is probably the most likable guy I’ve met in a long time. Reed is equally personable, though more subtle in the way he grabbed my attention.

Very humorous, as this tale unfolds, it’s evident that it’s about more than simply guy meets guy. The story explores societal norms about bodyweight and the fact that one’s self-perception of body image goes a long way toward both emotional and physical health and long-term success. I respect this author’s treatment of the topic and appreciate the encouragement toward a way of life that includes both healthy eating and exercise as a way to reach balance. So many authors subconsciously, or purposely, encourage dieting and slimming down as a way to attract a man’s attention. That wasn’t the case here, and I applaud the author’s efforts in keeping the focus on the inner self rather than the outer shell. Wrap all this up in a story that contained two very endearing characters, and it’s one I would highly recommend.

From MelanieM:

I think this is really the best book N.R. Walker has written.  The character of Henry especially was so surprising.  I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like him in any novel before.  Its not just his intelligence, or his self depreciating manner, but his slow acknowledgement of his life choices, good and bad, his adjustments towards a healthier life style.  Its just such an amazing exploration of one person’s journey from one state to the next and all the while, Henry remains Henry at the core.  Walker has created a character with such a basaltic center to his personality that as other things change, we know that the foundation that is  Henry will not. Reed is also someone who has been crafted along the same memorable lines, although perhaps in an altogether  different mold (or so we are lead to believe at the start).  Together Henry, Reed, Anika and her boyfriend Sean, and all that incredible dialog that had me laughing, giggling, and sometimes sniffling more than a little…well, this will be in my top 10 books of the year.

As with all N.R. Walker stories, the pace has a natural flow to it, never hurried, never slow, it just carries you along with the characters as Henry fights his inclinations to take the easy path, and then as the choices he makes gets more natural for him and then part of his schedule.  I can’t being to share the joys you will find inside this story, inside these characters.  Its a journey I never wanted to see end. and its an exploration you need to take for yourself.

Its one both Barb and I highly recommend.

Cover art is simple and perfect.

Sales Links

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Book Details:

Kindle Edition, 244 pages
Published September 12th 2016 by BlueHeart Press
Original TitleThe Weight of It All
ASINB01LYGV7HD
Edition LanguageEnglish

A MelanieM Review: Blood & Milk by N.R. Walker

Rating: 5 stars out of 5

Blood & MilkHeath Crowley is an Australian man, born with two different coloured eyes and the gift—or curse—of having premonition dreams. He also has nothing left to live for. Twelve months after having his life upended, his dreams tell him where he needs to be. So with nothing―and no one―to keep him in Sydney, he simply boards a plane for Tanzania. Not caring if he lives or dies, Heath walks into a tribe of Maasai and asks to stay. Granted permission, he leaves behind the name and heartbreak of Heath and starts over with the new Maasai name of Alé.


From the day of his birth, Damu has always been an outcast. The son of the chief and brother to the great warrior leader, Damu is reminded constantly that he’s not good enough to be considered a man in the eyes of his people. Ordered to take responsibility for Alé, Damu shares with him the ways of the Maasai, just as Alé shares with Damu the world outside the acacia thorn fence. But it’s more than just a cultural exchange. It’s about trust and acceptance, finding themselves, and a true sense of purpose.

Under the African sky on the plains of the Serengeti, Heath finds more than just a reason to live. He finds a man like no other, and a reason to love.  

I have high expectations of a N. R. Walker story but Blood & Milk just blew them away easily with her story of a broken man finding himself among the Masai people in the Serengeti.  Heath Crowley is a man whose life has been shattered by a hate crime.  Cornered by an angry group of men, Heath and his partner are attacked with horrific results, his long term partner is killer and Heath is left an empty, wounded bitter man.

A moving story all on its own but N.R. Walter gives Heath Crowley another dimension, the ability to dream, to see bits of the future.  Its both a gift and a curse as Heath sees it.  And we see it too…pulled into Heath’s nightmares of the night they were attacked and the visions that give him another path forward.

That vision leads an empty Heath to book a one-way ticket to Tanzania, the Serengeti and the Maasai tribe that includes Damu, another in search of his own sort of healing. I’ll stop here and say that the amount of research Walker must have done is considerable and it shows  down to the smallest of details in the everyday life and as well as Maasai culture that this story is seeped in. Heath is aware of his own cultural judgments and tries to see beyond them when possible when living as one of the Maasai.  This encompasses many levels of stature which I’m not about to get into here as it makes up a large part of this story.  But its so beautifully done.  I sunk myself into the life of the tribe, the children, the interpersonal relationships (good and bad), and forgot that time was passing.

Blood and Milk is told from Heath’s pov which was a wise choice.  I don’t know how much stretching you can do here.  But Damu and the Maasai tribe is vividly represented.  I could see them dancing in celebration, hear them singing, and yes it sent me to find those same dancing myself so I could listen to it and let it mesmerize me as well as it did Heath.

Walker is also well aware of the consequences of being gay in Africa and this story works with that horrific reality too.  What an astounding story.

What can I say?  Blood & Milk by N. R. Walker is mindbogglying wonderful.  Its beautifully written.  The flows along naturally, like a river flowing to the sea, slowing where it needs to, picking up speed and crashing over rocks at places and emptying into a stunning wide open ocean of endless possibilities.  Blood & Milk will be at the top of my Best of 2016  list.  One read  and I’m sure it will be on yours.

I highly recommend it.

Sales Links: The pre-order link for Blood & Milk on Amazon is HERE.

Note:  N.R. Walker is  donating part of Blood & Milk royalties to African Human Rights Coalition who are a proactive group on the ground in Africa, actively helping LGBT people.  For more about this, see her interview with Santa Aziz on N.R. Walker’s Blog

Book Details:

ebook
Expected publication: June 23rd 2016
Edition LanguageEnglish

 

Blood & Milk by N.R. Walker Pre OrderTour and Giveaway

Title: Blood & Milk
Author: N.R. Walker
Genre: M/M Romance
Release Date: June 23, 2016
Heath Crowley is an Australian man, born with two different coloured eyes and the gift—or curse—of having premonition dreams. He also has nothing left to live for. Twelve months after having his life upended, his dreams tell him where he needs to be. So with nothing―and no one―to keep him in Sydney, he simply boards a plane for Tanzania. Not caring if he lives or dies, Heath walks into a tribe of Maasai and asks to stay. Granted permission, he leaves behind the name and heartbreak of Heath and starts over with the new Maasai name of Alé.


 From the day of his birth, Damu has always been an outcast. The son of the chief and brother to the great warrior leader, Damu is reminded constantly that he’s not good enough to be considered a man in the eyes of his people. Ordered to take responsibility for Alé, Damu shares with him the ways of the Maasai, just as Alé shares with Damu the world outside the acacia thorn fence. But it’s more than just a cultural exchange. It’s about trust and acceptance, finding themselves, and a true sense of purpose.

 Under the African sky on the plains of the Serengeti, Heath finds more than just a reason to live. He finds a man like no other, and a reason to love.



PROLOGUE

It was twelve months on. A full year had passed, yet my world had stopped completely. The men who stole my life were charged and would serve time for their crime. No one called it a hate crime, but that’s what it was. If I was expecting some sort of finality to come with the court findings, I didn’t get it. 
I was still hollow. I was still numb to the world, and I was still alone. 
I was also awarded damages, civilian victim and medical.
A nice healthy sum that meant I could pay off my debts after not working for twelve months, and more. Though no amount of money would make this right. No amount of money would bring him back.
My mother came along for the final hearing, though I could only guess why. I had barely spoken two words to her in the last year. Maybe she came so she could vie for the sympathy card with her friends. Or maybe she thought she could have one last twist of the knife…
“Now it’s all over,” she said, nodding her head like her words were wise and final. “You can put all this homosexual nonsense behind you.”
I looked at my mother and smiled. I fucking smiled. I raged inside with a fury to burn the world, and maybe she saw something in my eyes―maybe it was a ferocity she’d never seen before, maybe it was madness―and my words were whisper quiet.
“You are a despicable, bitter human being, and you are a disgrace to mothers everywhere. So, when you go to your church group, instead of praying for my soul, you should be praying for yours. You have only hate and judgement in your heart, and you are doomed to an eternity in hell.” I leaned in close and sneered at her. “And I hope you fucking burn.” I stood up and stared down at her. She was pale and shocked, and I did not care. “If you think my words are cold and cruel,” I added, “I want you to know I learned them from you.”
I walked away, for the final time. I knew I’d never see her again, and I had made my peace with that. 
I didn’t care for the money. I didn’t care for anything. I longed for sleep, because in my dreams, I saw him. And that night, almost one year to the day since he was gone, in our too-big bed, in our too-quiet flat, in my too-alone life, I dreamed of Jarrod.
He sat on our bed and grinned. I longed to hear his voice, just once. It’d been a year and I craved the sound of his voice, his touch. But when I reached out for him, even in my dream, as in my waking nightmares, he was gone. I sat up in our bed, reaching out for nothing but air. He was gone, really gone. 
But in this dream, on the bed were he’d sat, was a plane ticket. Mr Heath Crowley, it said. One way ticket to Tanzania.

N.R. Walker is an Australian author, who loves her genre of gay romance.

 

She loves writing and spends far too much time doing it, but wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

She is many things: a mother, a wife, a sister, a writer. She has pretty, pretty boys who live in her head, who don’t let her sleep at night unless she gives them life with words.

 

She likes it when they do dirty, dirty things… but likes it even more when they fall in love.

 

She used to think having people in her head talking to her was weird, until one day she happened across other writers who told her it was normal.

 

She’s been writing ever since…  

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