A MelanieM Review: Lime Gelatin and Other Monsters (Offbeat Crimes #1) by Angel Martinez

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Rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

limegelatinandothermonsters_800Kyle Monroe, his irritating new partner, and their fellow freaks at the 77th Precinct must learn to work together to stop a vicious murderer that might not even be human.

Kyle Monroe’s encounter with a strange gelatinous creature in an alley leaves him scarred and forever changed, revealing odd abilities he wishes he didn’t have and earning him reassignment to a precinct where all the cops have defective paranormal abilities.

Just as he’s starting to adjust to his fellow misfit squad mates, Kyle’s new partner arrives. Tall, physically perfect, reserved, and claiming he has no broken psychic talents, Vikash Soren irritates Kyle in every way. But as much as he’d like to hate Vikash, Kyle finds himself oddly drawn to him, their non-abilities meshing in unexpected ways. If they can learn to work together, they might be able to stop the mysterious killer who has been leaving mutilated bodies along the banks of the Schuylkill.

Previously published, I somehow missed this the first time around and now got to enjoy a new adventure into the creative mind of Angel Martinez with Lime Gelatin and Other Monsters, the first in her Offbeat Crimes series.  Its another wild lollapalooza of creatures and mysteries thrown together and it starts with the 77th Precinct, also known as the “Island of Misfit Freaks”.  Its the precinct where any paranormal cop with a non-useful talent gets stuck, aka…the reject pile.  One cop can hear the unhappiness of waterfowl, another? Well, they’re not sure what he is or does.  He just is.  One’s a ghost who’s job is to maintain coffee pot and he’s bad at it.  And so it goes at the 77th Precinct.  Then we arrive at our main couple.  Kyle Monroe, on the short side, although he maintains he’s average who absorbs any paranormal talent nearby without control.  And Vikash Soren who’s at first reticent about why he’s been transferred…until he connects with Kyle and all hell breaks loose.

Half the fun and the charm of a Angel Martinez story is the inventiveness and down right quirkiness of the characters involved.  A cop that hears the unhappiness of waterfowl?  Thats sort of amazing and something I can picture as are all the other inhabitants of that Island of Misfit Freaks.  I grew downright fond of them all as the story progressed and I got to know them better.  Another?  The mysteries, murder cases actually, that the squad must investigate.  Often horrible, its a wonderful avenue for personal exploration for the reader as well as for themselves.  And it works beautifully here.  I enjoyed seeing the case being solved as much as I enjoyed the romance progress too.

As this is the first in a series, its a HFN which is fine.  There is so much more exploring to do as far as the Precinct and the characters go.  I can’t wait.  If the supernatural, the paranormal, murder mysteries, and romance is something you are looking for, here is a story that combines all of them to my delight.  That its written by Angel Martinez just seals the deal.  I highly recommend it.

Cover art by Posh Gosh really doesn’t relate as well as it should to the story line.  Its just ok.

Sales Links:  Pride Publishing | Amazon

Book Details:

ebook, 2nd Edition, 91 pages
Expected publication: August 16th 2016 by Pride Publishing (first published May 24th 2015)
ISBN139781786514691
Edition LanguageEnglish

SeriesOffbeat Crimes #1, Tales From The 77th Precinct

Angel Martinez Talks Drowning in Ideas, Writing and her release Lime Gelatin and Other Monsters (guest post and excerpt)

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Lime Gelatin and Other Monsters (Offbeat Crimes #1)

by Angel Martinez

Publisher: Pride Publishing
Cover Artist: Emmy Ellis

Release Date: pre-order 7/5/16,
Pride store release 7/19/16, General release 8/16/16

Purchase Price: $4.50  at Pride Publishing

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Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words is happy to have one of our favorite authors here today.  Angel Martinez is talking about writing, “drowning in ideas” and her latest release, Lime Gelatin and Other Monsters.  Welcome, Angel!

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  Drowning in Ideas by Angel Martinez

Writing your first novel is terrifying and exhilarating. You’ve written short stories and poems but there’s no way, you tell yourself, that you can sustain a storyline for an entire novel. Then you do and you stare at this thing you’ve wrought with a strange sense of wonder. How did this happen?

What happens after that moment is more terrifying. Suddenly there’s a lurching moment where every bad voice in your head comes surging up at once to whisper, Sure, but you’ll never do it again.

Silly voices. The floodgates are open. The djinn has escaped the bottle. There’s no way to put it back. It’s getting close to twenty years ago that I wrote my first novel, the one that will never see the light of day, but in those ensuing years, instead of finding that I struggled for ideas, I found I was drowning in them. The struggle was not to invent storylines. It was in getting the one I needed when I needed it and getting the damn thing to sit still long enough to become a story.

I still struggle with this, though I have weapons now. Conversations with people who understand and often serve as muses. Lists of things that go here and there, and universes in which to put them. Story prompts. I used to hate story prompts. Hated them. Imagine me shaking my little fist at the prompts: Don’t tell me what to write! Challenging yourself is good, though, and I was finally drawn into writing to prompts because people asked me to. That’s another thing a writer has to learn – when to say no, but that’s another topic.

The Offbeat Crimes series comes from one of those prompts, one that asked writers for stories about a paranormal police department based in a city of the writer’s choosing. I thought about the usual things first, things along the lines of vampire cops and fae cops and cops who could speak to the dead. But I wanted something different and maybe not entirely serious. What if, for example, there was a vampire cop, but he couldn’t drink whole blood?

Carrington Loveless III, skim-blood vampire was born, but the ideas for colleagues with broken paranormal talents and attributes came fast and furious. Poor Carr didn’t even get to be to the protagonist for the first two books. That dubious honor went to a fellow officer who doesn’t even have a talent of his own—he inadvertently absorbs other people’s—and his new partner who claims to have no paranormal talent at all. Bad stuff just happens around him.

Welcome to the 77th, folks, the precinct where State Paranormal sends all the officers with what they perceive as useless talents. Don’t discount them, though. They’re good cops, even if they have to deal with a lot of weird and a lot of frustration being their own worst enemies sometimes.

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Blurb

Kyle Monroe’s encounter with a strange gelatinous creature in an alley leaves him scarred and forever changed, revealing odd abilities he wishes he didn’t have and earning him reassignment to a precinct where all the cops have defective paranormal abilities.

Just as he’s starting to adjust to his fellow misfit squad mates, Kyle’s new partner arrives. Tall, physically perfect, reserved, and claiming he has no broken psychic talents, Vikash Soren irritates Kyle in every way. But as much as he’d like to hate Vikash, Kyle finds himself oddly drawn to him, their non-abilities meshing in unexpected ways. If they can learn to work together, they might be able to stop the mysterious killer who has been leaving mutilated bodies along the banks of the Schuylkill.

Series Info (if applicable):

Offbeat Crimes:

Every region has them, but no police department talks about them—the weird crimes, the encounters with creatures out of nightmares. The 77th Precincts exist in certain cities to handle paranormal crime and containment, usually staffed with experienced officers exhibiting psychic abilities.

In Philadelphia, through an odd mix of budget issues and circumstance, the 77th is manned entirely by officers with bizarre or severely limited psychic talents. The firestarter who can’t get a spark when it’s humid. The vampire who can’t drink whole blood. These are the stories of the misfits, the outcasts from even the strangeness of the paranormal community. Call them freaks, but they’re police officers first, serving and protecting, even if their methods aren’t always normal procedure.

Length: 30,000 words
Pairing: M/M
Format: ebook

Excerpt

Kyle sat up straighter, shifting to see between the heads in front of him. Soren looked like a poster boy for the model police officer, tall and straight, uniform crisp and sharp. He stood at parade rest beside the lieutenant impassively surveying his new colleagues. A little knot of resentment lodged in Kyle’s stomach. At his own introduction to the Seventy-seventh, he’d been nervous and fidgety, freaked out by the collection of…freaks. How can he be so calm?

“Officer Soren transferred from the Harrisburg PD—”

“Don’t they have enough freaky shit of their own up there?” Wolf called out in his rasping growl.

“—since Harrisburg is in our jurisdiction,” she continued with a quelling glance. “He’ll start out partnered with Monroe.”

“What does he do, ma’am? That it’s safe to put him with Kirby, er, Kyle?” Shira Lourdes asked as she flicked nervous glances across the room at Kyle. An empty chair slid away from her and fell over. Her partner, Greg Santos, shook his head and righted the unfortunate piece of furniture.

“Officer Soren’s abilities are his business, which he may or may not choose to share if you ask. And don’t bully him about it either, any of you.” Lieutenant Dunfee swept the room again, pinning each of her officers with her needle-laser gaze like captive butterflies. “Monroe, my office after briefing. Info on your current case.”

She dismissed them, stalking from the room with thunderclouds in her eyes. Kyle found himself approaching the new guy and trying his best not to be awkward. Did he offer to shake hands? Was it safe? Would the guy flinch like so many people did at the sight of Kyle’s scarred hands? Soren was even taller up close, six-foot-three of lean inscrutability, his blue eyes startlingly bright against smoky bronze skin.

“Um, hi, I’m Kyle Monroe.” Kyle fidgeted when Soren didn’t offer his hand either. “You’re with me, I guess. I’ll show you our spot in the squad room.”

Soren followed him silently and Kyle was starting to wonder if he was like Krisk in the not-speaking department until he finally spoke in a smooth, soft baritone, making Kyle startle and miss a step. “Why do they call you Kirby?”

“You’d hear it sooner or later, I guess.” Kyle shrugged. “It’s this thing I do, absorbing other people’s talents temporarily. If they’re close to me. Or touch me. Like Kirby, the little pink dude in the video game.”

“Ah.”

Just that? Soren didn’t edge away, or change expression at all. Was he made of stone? “It’s a thing. Everyone here has a thing.”

After a few more steps, Soren asked, “Always?”

“What…oh, was I always like this? Who knows? I mean, maybe I’ve picked up stray thoughts or something, but no. It’s pretty recent. Knowing that I do this.”

Kyle took a wide arc around Vance as he entered the squad room, pointing to the double desk in the far corner, well removed from everyone else. “That’s ours. Coffee’s over there, but you might not want that coffee. Let me grab my file and we’ll go see the lieutenant.”

“So what’s your story, Soren?” Vance called across the squad room. “What flies your freak flag?”

“Yeah, what do you do?” Jeff Gatling stopped ’porting his banana from one corner of his desk to the other.

“I don’t really do anything,” Soren answered as he hefted the empty coffee pot. “Guess I’ll make fresh since I’m the new guy.”

He opened the top to remove the filter and every human voice in the squad room yelled out, “No!”

Most people would have startled, maybe dropped the carafe. Soren just blinked at the roomful of people gesturing wildly. He took the filter out and emptied it over the trashcan. “Why not?”

“You don’t want to do that.” Kyle stayed by his desk, a nice safe distance from the coffee station. “That’s Larry’s job.”

“Larry’s not keeping up then.”

The container of sweetener packets began to rattle. It shivered across the counter and leaped to a messy end, ceramic shards skittering across the floor. The desk that Krisk and Wolf shared rose from the floor several inches and slammed back down. Wolf fled with a squeaking yelp just before the desk flipped on its side.

Soren glanced toward Kyle. “Larry’s not a cop, is he?”

“He is…he was! A dead cop. Larry’s a ghost. He gets ticked if anyone else makes the coffee. Put the stuff back, please!”

“Larry?” Soren raised his voice but to all appearances remained completely unruffled. “I’m new here. I’m very sorry I invaded your jurisdiction. See? I’m putting the carafe back. Closing the top. Are we good, Larry?”

A breeze ruffled through a stack of papers, but no further mayhem ensued. The carafe slid from its pad on the coffeemaker and floated to the water cooler where Larry, who never manifested in a visible form, whistled tunelessly while he filled the carafe.

From his dim corner of the room, Carrington said in his dry, genteel way, “Welcome to the Island of Misfit Freaks.”

angel-martinez

About the Author

The unlikely black sheep of an ivory tower intellectual family, Angel Martinez has managed to make her way through life reasonably unscathed. Despite a wildly misspent youth, she snagged a degree in English Lit, married once and did it right the first time, gave birth to one amazing son, and realized at some point that she could get paid for writing.

Published since 2006, Angel’s cynical heart cloaks a desperate romantic. You’ll find drama and humor given equal weight in her writing and don’t expect sad endings. Life is sad enough.

She currently lives in Delaware in a drinking town with a college problem and writes Science Fiction and Fantasy centered around gay heroes.

Author Links:

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